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Oppenheimer por Fresán: música para destruir mundos (un experimento)

«Vidas de santos», la segunda obra de Rodrigo Fresán, es un libro fundamentalmente experimental. Hibrido entre el volumen de relatos y la novela «collage», el nexo común de todas sus partes gira en torno a la reflexión sobre la naturaleza de Dios. Aprovechando el éxito de «Oppenheimer» en la 96ª edición de los Premios Óscar (la cinta de Christopher Nolan ha ganado en siete categorías, incluyendo Mejor película, director y actor principal y de reparto), publicamos a continuación uno de los cuentos que conforman el libro de Fresán, un texto imperdible que se titula «Música para destruir mundos (un experimento)» y desarrolla un diálogo entre el pianista Glenn Gould, autor de las Variaciones Goldberg de Johann Sebastian Bach, y el físico que creó a primera bomba atómica de la humanidad.

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Hibrido entre el volumen de relatos y la novela \u00abcollage\u00bb, el nexo com\u00fan de todas sus partes gira en torno a la reflexi\u00f3n sobre la naturaleza de Dios. 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en la etiqueta de la caja donde est\u00e1n las cintas definitivas se lee: \u00abBach \/ The Goldberg Variations \/ Glenn Gould\u00bb.<\/p><p>Escuchen: el aria en el que est\u00e1n basadas las treinta y una variaciones es una sarabanda. Una danza lenta del per\u00edodo barroco, una enigm\u00e1tica y l\u00edrica melod\u00eda en dos secciones de igual peso espec\u00edfico y \u00e1tomos perfectamente afinados.<\/p><p>Cada una de las variaciones responde al patr\u00f3n arm\u00f3nico del tema original; por lo tanto, la l\u00ednea del bajo es similar para todas ellas. La primera variaci\u00f3n obedece los dict\u00e1menes de un estilo conocido como<em> invenci\u00f3n en dos partes.<\/em><\/p><p>La segunda variaci\u00f3n es, en cambio, <em>una invenci\u00f3n en tres partes,<\/em> con las dos partes superiores conversando con orgullosa modestia por encima del bajo que, por un momento, parece algo molesto por no ser m\u00e1s el centro excluyente de toda atenci\u00f3n.<\/p><p>Cada tres variaciones hace su aparici\u00f3n un canon, donde la segunda de las dos partes instrumentales obedece y repite, casi obsecuente, los ademanes de la primera con exactitud y a una distancia de cuatro segundos en el tiempo y en el espacio.<\/p><p>Menos de un minuto m\u00e1s tarde se presenta una m\u00e1s breve y m\u00e1s estridente variaci\u00f3n cuyas cuatro partes encajan, id\u00e9nticas, una sobre la otra, como una hilera de amantes agotados que se dejan caer desde las cumbres del \u00e9xtasis.<\/p><p>Entonces, sorpresiva pero nunca maleducada, golpea la puerta una inesperada variaci\u00f3n mal disfrazada de <em>moto perpetuo,<\/em> desenred\u00e1ndose en giros que convergen hacia el centro mismo de la m\u00fasica.<\/p><p>Siempre ejecuto esta \u00faltima parte con una sola mano. Grab\u00e9 las <em>Variaciones<\/em> por primera vez en un t\u00f3rrido junio de 1955 (yo y mi silla y mis toallas y mis botellas de agua mineral y mi botiqu\u00edn port\u00e1til) y ayer volv\u00ed a grabarlas, diferentes, tantos a\u00f1os despu\u00e9s, 1981, en el mismo lugar de entonces: la vieja capilla presbiteriana que la Columbia convirti\u00f3 en estudio de grabaci\u00f3n. En la calle Treinta, Manhattan. Las \u00abnuevas\u00bb <em>Variaciones<\/em> \u2013me gusta pensar en ambas versiones como el Viejo y el Nuevo Testamento de la misma historia\u2013 ocupan m\u00e1s tiempo y espacio e incluyen m\u00e1s murmullos. Mi voz cansada, el descubrimiento de la lentitud, la meditaci\u00f3n por encima de la acci\u00f3n, la ausencia de toda necesidad de impresionar a todos, la sabidur\u00eda que se alcanza con la edad y cerca del fin. Ya no tiene sentido correr, mejor caminar, observar el sonido de cada una de ellas con rayos X en los o\u00eddos. Trabajarlas en segmentos. Grabarlas de una en una. Desarmarlas para armarlas mientras me filman para un documental que \u2013sus responsables no pueden siquiera sospecharlo\u2013 acabar\u00e1 siendo la cr\u00f3nica de c\u00f3mo la materia de un hombre se dispone a convertirse en el fantasma del sonido.<\/p><p>Las notas de arriba y abajo me obligan, en ocasiones, a cruces y saltos de varias octavas. Lo que no me causa demasiados problemas. 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sonido de los d\u00edgitos del tel\u00e9fono rompiendo la noche envasada al vac\u00edo y tu descanso seguramente merecido pero, bueno, aqu\u00ed estoy yo otra vez.<\/p><p>Hola. Hola. Hola. \u00bfHay alguien all\u00ed?<\/p><p>\u00c9sta es la llamada imprevisible aunque no del todo sorprendente. El corredor solitario ataca de nuevo, rebotando en los sat\u00e9lites, acelerando su camino en los cables y en los postes y en los lejanos auriculares del mundo y en la electricidad del aire que alguna vez fue ac\u00fastico.\u00a0<\/p><p>\u00c9sta es la voz misteriosa y ermita\u00f1a y \u2013aun as\u00ed\u2013 amigable y digna de tu confianza.<\/p><p>\u00c9sta es la Gran Cuenta Telef\u00f3nica y el eficaz pie para el cl\u00e1sico comentario, para parlamentos como: \u00abDios m\u00edo, te apuesto lo que quieras a que es otra vez G.G.\u00bb.<\/p><p>\u00bfAtender\u00e1s el tel\u00e9fono, amigo m\u00edo? \u00bfS\u00ed?<\/p><p>Escucha entonces.<\/p><p>Escucha entonces la m\u00fasica que me dispongo a interpretar en este instrumento, que no es un piano ni un clavicordio.<\/p><p>No: es un piano neur\u00f3tico que insiste en creerse un clavicordio.<\/p><p><br \/><br \/>A veces \u2013cada vez m\u00e1s seguido, a medida que se acerca el fin de todo lo que conocemos como real\u2013, recibo inequ\u00edvocas se\u00f1ales de que Oppie no ha muerto, de que aparecer\u00e1 como uno de esos mu\u00f1ecos de resorte saltando desde el filoso doble fondo de una caja de colores estridentes, desde un in\u00e9dito \u00e1ngulo de mi memoria cansada.<\/p><p>Pero no, Oppie est\u00e1 muerto.<\/p><p>Tan muerto como la posibilidad de cambiar la historia, o de revisar las f\u00f3rmulas, o de volver a unir lo que jam\u00e1s debi\u00f3 separarse.<\/p><p>Una vieja postal enviada por Oppie, entonces. Un premio consuelo, algo que se encuentra en un caj\u00f3n mientras se busca cualquier otra cosa.<\/p><p>Miren: en la postal est\u00e1 Jesucristo, de pie junto al autom\u00f3vil conducido por una pareja de perfectos adolescentes. Junto al camino hay una se\u00f1al de carretera con una flecha de dos cabezas. \u00abMuerte\u00bb, dice una; \u00abVida\u00bb, dice la otra. Jesucristo, por supuesto, se\u00f1ala en la direcci\u00f3n de la vida. Jesucristo tiene un brazo extendido, el brazo derecho (Dios es diestro, el Diablo es siniestro; siempre es as\u00ed), apuntando el camino derecho y correcto, hacia adelante, el camino que conduce a la vida. La muerte va marcha atr\u00e1s, la muerte es para los cobardes. La muerte escribe historias terribles y definitivas con su zarpa izquierda.<\/p><p>Del otro lado de la postal, bajo un sello con el rostro del domador de rel\u00e1mpagos Benjamin Franklin, sonr\u00ede la complicada caligraf\u00eda de Oppie. Caligraf\u00eda de quien est\u00e1 m\u00e1s habituado al nervioso y veloz trazo de las f\u00f3rmulas cient\u00edficas que al reflexivo y fr\u00edo dibujo de las f\u00f3rmulas afectivas.<\/p><p>Lean:<\/p><p>Este se\u00f1or es un mentiroso, G. G. Nunca conf\u00edes en individuos con barba y t\u00fanica que te se\u00f1alan cualquier cosa a un costado del camino. Nunca aceptes caramelos de desconocidos (yo comet\u00ed el error de hacerlo). Nunca experimentes con ciertos elementos peligrosos. Nunca te apartes de los consejos y dictados del manual de instrucciones. \u00a1Aleluya!<\/p><p>\u00c9sta es tan s\u00f3lo una de las muchas \u00abPostales con Jesucristo\u00bb que me envi\u00f3 Oppie desde el momento en que consigui\u00f3 ubicarme a partir de mi famosa y primera grabaci\u00f3n de las <em>Variaciones.<\/em> Postales que, vistas a contraluz, revelan un transparente pedido de disculpas nunca del todo formulado.<\/p><p>Ahora, un recorte de un libro que siempre me hace sonre\u00edr. Una foto en donde aparecen, en 1938, el cient\u00edfico Otto Hahn anotando algo en un block de notas y la doctora Lise Meitner, que lo observa entre admirada y piadosa, con esa t\u00edpica mirada a la Marie Curie que parecen vestir todas las mujeres interesadas en las secretas leyes que rigen este planeta. Lo divertido no es la foto en s\u00ed sino lo que se puede leer al pie: \u00abBerl\u00edn, 1938: Otto Hahn descubre un fen\u00f3meno que no puede explicar. A su lado, Lise Meitner le explica que acaba de dividir el \u00e1tomo\u00bb.<\/p><p>\u00bfNo es divertido?<\/p><p>Es divertido porque es mentira.<\/p><p>Nadie dividi\u00f3 el \u00e1tomo.<\/p><p>Nadie va a dividirlo nunca, por la sencilla raz\u00f3n de que el \u00e1tomo no existe. O por lo menos no existe tal como nosotros lo imaginamos.<\/p><p>El \u00e1tomo es un esp\u00edritu cient\u00edfico y no santo, una ilusi\u00f3n \u00f3ptica que convence a los mortales de que entienden algo cuyo secreto les estar\u00e1 siempre vedado. Pero me estoy adelantando demasiado y esta m\u00fasica requiere de un tiempo m\u00e1s calmo para su comprensi\u00f3n y disfrute.<\/p><p>La vieja postal, las resignadas pupilas de la dulce Lise y, ahora, la c\u00e9lebre foto de Oppie modelo 1958. Oppie congelado en el aire, saltando frente a la c\u00e1mara de ese fot\u00f3grafo adicto a capturar celebridades en suspensi\u00f3n y ajenas por unos segundos a los impostergables imperativos de la gravedad. Y estas palabras de Oppie acompa\u00f1ando a esa foto: \u00abEn el aire, lejos del suelo, todos son aut\u00e9nticos; la verdad aparece, siempre, cuando no se la puede apoyar en ning\u00fan lado\u00bb.<\/p><p>Oppie en el aire, entonces: el \u00edndice extendido, desafiante, a los cielos y a todo lo que pueda esconderse en las alturas. Atr\u00e1s, a sus espaldas, un pizarr\u00f3n rebosante de f\u00f3rmulas nos recuerda que, despu\u00e9s de todo, Oppie tiene poco que ver con este mundo, con el suelo que pisamos cada ma\u00f1ana. 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Robert Oppenheimer naci\u00f3 el 11 de abril de 1904 en la ciudad de New York. La J. de su nombre \u2013por m\u00e1s que algunos registros insistan en adjudic\u00e1rsela a un Julius\u2013 no significaba nada en particular, no escond\u00eda la sombra de otro nombre que hubiera ayudado a comprenderlo mejor. Nada de eso, y la verdad es m\u00e1s enga\u00f1osamente sencilla: su padre, un adinerado importador de telas, sosten\u00eda que Robert Oppenheimer a secas no era \u00absuficientemente distinguido\u00bb.<\/p><p>Escribo de memoria, y cuando la memoria me falla, vuelvo a hojear un viejo n\u00famero de una vieja revista: la ya mencionada foto de Oppie saltando y ocho s sobre Oppie interrumpidas \u2013aqu\u00ed y all\u00e1\u2013 por avisos de un autom\u00f3vil de doble tracci\u00f3n, de Bombay Dry Gin, de jacuzzis a elecci\u00f3n, de la <em>Concise Columbia Encyclopaedia,<\/em> de una voluminosa computadora supuestamente port\u00e1til patrocinada por un tal Isaac Asimov.<\/p><p>De cualquier modo y para que se distraigan mientras ordeno la partitura de mis recuerdos, aqu\u00ed les propongo un peque\u00f1o ejercicio: separen uranio (creo que \u00e9sta era la receta de la mentira), unan bruscamente dos porciones del elemento y la masa resultante sufrir\u00e1 una reacci\u00f3n autogeneradora espont\u00e1nea. Implosi\u00f3n en lugar de explosi\u00f3n. Como apretar una naranja hasta conseguir la devastaci\u00f3n del zumo.<\/p><p>\u2013Poco po\u00e9tico\u2026 nim-nim-nim\u2026 Pero, bueno, despu\u00e9s de todo, el escritor no soy yo. Tengo el m\u00ednimo consuelo de saber que, al menos, esa responsabilidad alguna vez ser\u00e1 nada m\u00e1s que tuya, mi querido pianista \u2013me sonri\u00f3 Oppie una ma\u00f1ana de 1945 en Los \u00c1lamos, New Mexico, mientras al fondo una banda de forajidos musicales aseguraban que \u00abya no puede caminar porque le falta, porque le falta\u2026\u00bb. Oppie los escuchaba con una mirada amorosa y no dejaba de susurrar ese \u00abnim-nim-nim\u00bb: el sonido que emit\u00eda Oppie cuando no dec\u00eda nada, cuando pensaba que nadie lo o\u00eda. El sonido de la energ\u00eda at\u00f3mica en los motores de sus pensamientos.<\/p><p>Lo cierto es que faltaban cinco meses de los diecinueve originales pautados por la ominosa sombra del coronel Groves para que aquellos supuestos cabalistas, entre euf\u00f3ricos y espantados, apenas protegidos por los brazos de un pent\u00e1gono m\u00e1gico, abrieran la cerradura de los cielos.<\/p><p>Recuerdo que mir\u00e1bamos todo el tiempo hacia arriba, como si quisi\u00e9ramos escaparnos de lo que herv\u00eda a fuego lento en nuestro horizonte. Y que hab\u00eda s\u00f3lo nubes y formas de nubes tan diferentes a aquellas cuyos apellidos hab\u00eda memorizado sin dificultades sobre las orillas de Toronto, en las aguas del lago Simcoe, y \u00bfa qu\u00e9 se parece esa nube, Oppie, a qu\u00e9 se parece?<\/p><p>Las nubes se parec\u00edan a tantas cosas.<\/p><p>Las nubes se parec\u00edan a:<\/p><p>\u2013 La mano de Dios en el techo de la Sixtina.<\/p><p>\u2013 El perfil de la Ethical Culture School de New York donde Oppie, los d\u00edas de calor, se derrumbaba sobre su cama y le\u00eda una y otra vez la teor\u00eda din\u00e1mica de los gases.<\/p><p>\u2013 La sonrisa de Jean Tatlock, joven amante suicida que se traga un frasco de pastillas para dormir y se hunde en las aguas finales de una ba\u00f1era de Chicago. (Oppie la hab\u00eda abandonado para siempre unos d\u00edas antes a instancias del coronel Groves. No est\u00e1 bien visto que los cient\u00edficos que trabajan para el gobierno tengan relaciones con hermosas militantes del Partido Comunista, le dijo, le explic\u00f3, le orden\u00f3 el militar.)<\/p><p>\u2013 La arrasadora fisi\u00f3n de las caderas de Kitty Oppenheimer, la mujer monstruo de Los \u00c1lamos.<\/p><p>\u2013 La mirada sin retorno detr\u00e1s de los anteojos oscuros de alguien a quien me conformar\u00e9 con llamar Jude.<\/p><p>\u2013 Una especie de gigantesco hongo, una corola de luz y furia creciendo como la m\u00e1s salvaje de las flores de una planta carn\u00edvora dispuesta a masticar el cosmos con la sola ayuda de sus p\u00e9talos.<\/p><p>A todas esas cosas se parec\u00edan las antiguas nubes de New Mexico y ahora, tanto tiempo despu\u00e9s, mi memoria es un poco como esas nubes. La forma de mi memoria cambia seg\u00fan el viento, y tengo que ayudarme con libros y fotograf\u00edas que, por favor, deben conservarse en cajas de plomo para sobrevivir a un pr\u00f3ximo holocausto nuclear.<\/p><p>A veces, entre los papeles, descubro una foto \u2013una foto que me muestra como yo era entonces\u2013, y acaricio mis pupilas blancas y recuerdo el reflejo que mov\u00eda mis p\u00e1rpados y sonr\u00edo, una vez m\u00e1s, como cuando era capaz de sonre\u00edr, como cuando ten\u00eda sonrisa, como cuando mi lengua disfrutaba de los justamente c\u00e9lebres martinis de vodka ultrasecos \u2013\u00abNunca los agites, nunca los revuelvas\u2026 nim-nim-nim\u2026 exactamente eso\u00bb\u2013 que Oppie preparaba para acompa\u00f1ar las grandes ocasiones.<\/p><p>En la foto estoy sentado en una silla rid\u00edcula y rota frente a un piano de cola, las manos enfundadas en guantes, una bufanda escondiendo buena parte de mi rostro, abrigado como para un invierno ruso; m\u00e1s all\u00e1 de que la inscripci\u00f3n en el reverso asegure que aquello era en realidad \u00abNew York, verano de 1943\u00bb.<\/p><p>Aunque las fechas no coincidan, aunque la perspectiva parezca incorrecta, yo soy \u00e9l, soy ese pianista de temperamento desprolijo y dedos apasionados. Alguien que alguna vez fue nuevo y joven y debut\u00f3, soberbio, grabando la m\u00e1s insomne y olvidada y misteriosa de las partituras.<\/p><p>Yo soy el imb\u00e9cil ilustrado, el hombre que conoci\u00f3 a J. Robert Oppenheimer una ma\u00f1ana demasiado perfecta para ser cierta en el lago de Planicie Banderita, en las ruinas de Qumr\u00e1n, en las afueras de Canciones Tristes, y muy cerca del Trinity Camp, el sitio donde el ojo triangular del Hacedor de Todas las Cosas miraba, entre preocupado y divertido, a un Oppie que gustaba de definirse como \u00abel Deshacedor de Todas las Cosas\u00bb.<\/p><p>Entonces Oppie descosiendo los vel\u00e1menes de la Creaci\u00f3n y mutando a viento loco. Oppie escud\u00e1ndose en paredes de bromas porque sab\u00eda que no est\u00e1 haciendo lo correcto. Oppie sab\u00eda que el \u00e9xito no iba a traducirse en un nuevo principio sino en una infinita variaci\u00f3n de aproximaciones de finales antes del final m\u00e1s grande y perfecto. Por eso se re\u00eda. Porque Oppie no pod\u00eda disimularlo del todo: el m\u00e1s blanco de los terrores era la fuerza que impulsaba todas sus tontas blasfemias y as\u00ed Oppie eligi\u00f3 el nombre \u00abTrinity\u00bb despu\u00e9s de tropezar, casi por casualidad, en un libro de Kitty, con aquel soneto de John Donne donde se lee \u00abBatter my heart, three-person\u2019d God\u2026\u00bb.<\/p><p>Recuerdo que yo tambi\u00e9n celebr\u00e9 su gracia, el ingenio de esas injurias apuntalaban las vigas de su holocausto privado, y tal vez por eso los acontecimientos se derrumbaron sobre Oppie y sobre todos los que camin\u00e1bamos aqu\u00ed y all\u00e1, bajo ese techo, con la cautelosa liviandad de\u00a0 fakires sobre clavos mientras le cant\u00e1bamos a la radiactividad del cuerpo.\u00a0<\/p><p>\u00abGolpea mi coraz\u00f3n\u2026\u00bb<\/p><p><br \/><br \/>\u2026\u00abDios de tres personas\u00bb; la voz de mi madre \u2013una astuta profesora de m\u00fasica\u2013 recitando a John Donne en voz alta mientras el viol\u00edn de mi padre dispara notas de caoba lustrosa por la garganta de las escaleras, hacia arriba, hacia los altos donde est\u00e1n mi cuarto y mi primer piano y la silla que me acompa\u00f1ar\u00eda siempre.<\/p><p>La silla m\u00e1s fotografiada en la historia de la m\u00fasica: una aberraci\u00f3n de madera sin asiento con las patas serruchadas para as\u00ed elevarme apenas catorce pulgadas por sobre el nivel del mar, para que mis manos se cuelguen del teclado como las de quien se aferra a los bordes de un precipicio desfondado.<\/p><p>Todo esto tiene lugar en una ciudad que bien puede llamarse Toronto pero que poco tiene que ver con el reflejo oficial que le devuelven gu\u00edas de turismo y mapas.<\/p><p>No s\u00e9 cu\u00e1l es mi edad ahora. Hace tiempo que los almanaques han perdido todo sentido para m\u00ed y las fechas sobre los titulares de los diarios no me parecen m\u00e1s que rid\u00edculas abstracciones sin sentido.<\/p><p>Hay d\u00edas en que incluso mi propio nombre se me hace dif\u00edcil de atrapar y entonces recurro a mis disfraces. Trajes y pelucas y voces y acentos y personalidades absurdas, caricaturescas. Me presento as\u00ed en entrevistas o en programas de televisi\u00f3n. No falta quien me acusa de payaso. Pero yo r\u00edo \u00faltimo para re\u00edr mejor. Ser otro para no ser uno. Me convierto en el edwardiano y antimodernista sir Nigel Twitt-Thornwaite, en el sensible escoc\u00e9s Duncan Haig-Guinness, en el music\u00f3logo germano Karlheinz Kloppweiser, en el infame taxista del Bronx Theodore Slutz; me convierto en una m\u00e1scara hasta que el dolor de ser G.G. vuelve a la superficie abri\u00e9ndose paso a trav\u00e9s de la anestesia de un alias.<\/p><p>Pero s\u00ed recuerdo que aquel verano de 1945 yo ten\u00eda apenas trece a\u00f1os; lo que no imped\u00eda que me moviera con la soberbia de alguien que cree saber con exactitud c\u00f3mo terminar\u00e1 el libro de sus d\u00edas, alguien que no ha podido evitar la tentaci\u00f3n de leer de pie junto a los estantes de una librer\u00eda, para ahorrarse la compra de otra biograf\u00eda.<\/p><p>Nada result\u00f3 como lo pensaba, claro. Pero aun as\u00ed sucumbir\u00e9 a la tentaci\u00f3n de insistir con el dibujo de un plano que nunca super\u00f3 su condici\u00f3n de papel y l\u00e1piz, de ambicioso boceto: mi vida, estaba seguro, constar\u00eda \u2013al igual que mi partitura favorita\u2013 de dos secciones de igual peso espec\u00edfico.<\/p><p>La primera de estas secciones se extender\u00eda hasta el d\u00eda en que yo cumpliera cincuenta a\u00f1os.<\/p><p>Intenten comprenderme: entonces ten\u00eda trece a\u00f1os y ya hab\u00eda firmado con mi sangre un documento en el que me compromet\u00eda a vivir por y para el piano hasta alcanzar el medio siglo de vida sobre este planeta. A partir de entonces \u2013cumplido el medio siglo y el compromiso\u2013 cambiar\u00eda el teclado de un Steinway por el teclado de una Remington y me dedicar\u00eda a la literatura hasta la ma\u00f1ana en que cumpliera los cien a\u00f1os.<\/p><p>As\u00ed se lo dije a Oppie aquel d\u00eda en el lago de Planicie Banderita y as\u00ed fue como Oppie me hizo prometer que lo primero que iba a escribir ser\u00eda sobre aquellos d\u00edas en el Trinity Camp.<\/p><p>No ten\u00eda del todo claro lo que iba a ocurrir despu\u00e9s; no me averg\u00fcenza confesar aqu\u00ed que jugueteaba con la idea de una injustificable inmortalidad, una suerte de laguna helada por el invierno sobre la que yo me deslizar\u00eda, veloz y despreocupado, sobre los afilados patines de los siglos.<\/p><p>Ve\u00eda entonces partes de mi futuro \u2013siempre pude hacerlo\u2013 como quien intenta comprender la totalidad de una vida espiando las parcialidades de una familia desconocida en un \u00e1lbum de fotos. Cerraba los ojos y, una vez que la oscuridad daba entrada a esa niebla amarilla que destilan los p\u00e1rpados, me precipitaba hacia la contemplaci\u00f3n de piezas sueltas que acabar\u00edan configurando el rompecabezas de mi existencia por venir.<\/p><p>Me vi diferente, con un rostro donde relampagueaba el brillo de ojos nuevos.<\/p><p>Me vi entrando a lo que alguna vez hab\u00eda sido una iglesia presbiteriana, en la calle Treinta del East Side, en New York.<\/p><p>Me vi inclinado sobre un piano como quien se inclina \u2013para el amor o para el crimen\u2013 sobre una persona que siempre es la v\u00edctima, y o\u00ed con perturbadora claridad el \u00abAria mit verschiedenen Ver\u00e4nderungen\u00bb de Bach creciendo desde la punta de mis dedos.<\/p><p>Me vi conduciendo un pesado Lincoln Continental en las nieves del Norte, del norte con N may\u00fascula, una N que jam\u00e1s se derretir\u00eda porque all\u00ed arriba el sol no calienta sino que, apenas,<\/p><p>ayuda a que el fr\u00edo no se detenga y no pueda seguir descendiendo desde las alturas. Acumulaci\u00f3n de multas por \u00abmanejo err\u00e1tico de autom\u00f3viles\u00bb. Un patrullero de la polic\u00eda me sigue y me alcanza y el oficial me pregunta si estoy bien. Me dice que manejo como un demente, que me vio agitando los brazos y dando gritos mientras el autom\u00f3vil cambiaba de<\/p><p>carriles ignorando toda se\u00f1al de tr\u00e1nsito. Le pido disculpas, le explico que no conduc\u00eda un autom\u00f3vil sino una pieza de Schoenberg que en ese momento emit\u00edan por la radio. El Lincoln Continental \u2013mi m\u00e1quina n\u00famero cuatro\u2013 morir\u00eda al a\u00f1o siguiente.<\/p><p>Me vi iluminado como un puente en d\u00eda de fiesta. S\u00f3lo que no hab\u00eda agua bajo mi cuerpo. Apenas arena y viento y un sonido nuevo y primordial al mismo tiempo, el sonido con el que todo hab\u00eda comenzado.<\/p><p>Vi tantas cosas.<\/p><p>Vi la foto del rostro de Dios. La foto de un objeto celeste diez millones de veces m\u00e1s grande que el sol. La foto de la aureola de Dios pase\u00e1ndose por el espacio con la misma indolente confianza con que otros pasean a su perro. Un c\u00edrculo de oscuridad tan perfecto y tan solitario como s\u00f3lo Dios puede serlo.<\/p><p>Vi entonces que Dios est\u00e1 solo ah\u00ed arriba y en todas partes, supe que Dios era un lugar de tal densidad que ni la luz pod\u00eda penetrarlo.<\/p><p>Vi el momento exacto en que el agujero negro de Dios devoraba una galaxia por el placer de hacerlo. Dios aliment\u00e1ndose de estrellas muertas y corrigiendo los bordes del mapa de su creaci\u00f3n en constante crecimiento.<\/p><p>As\u00ed fue como me derrumb\u00e9 a los diecis\u00e9is a\u00f1os sobre el teclado de aquel piano con la cabeza llena de alas de \u00e1ngeles. Arropado por un r\u00edo de luces, mis ojos se empe\u00f1aron en elevarse a los cielos hasta que mi mirada fue similar a la de esos santos tan felices por las flechas que crecen en su flancos.<\/p><p>As\u00ed fue como supe que Dios no hab\u00eda terminado su trabajo, que su humor y sus intenciones eran tan cambiantes como las de los seres que hab\u00eda inventado, que nunca hab\u00eda hecho uso de su s\u00e9ptimo d\u00eda de descanso y que no ten\u00eda intenci\u00f3n de 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Cr\u00e9dito: cortes\u00eda de Universal 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style=\\\"text-align: right;\\\">El actor irland\u00e9s Cillian Murphy como Robert Oppenheimer en una imagen promocional de <em>Oppenheimer.<\/em> Cr\u00e9dito: cortes\u00eda de Universal 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m\u00e9dico de la familia dictamin\u00f3 entonces que lo mejor era hacer un viaje. Clima seco y lejano y nada de pianos. As\u00ed llegamos a este hotel en las afueras de Los \u00c1lamos, en un lugar llamado Canciones Tristes donde alguna vez ardi\u00f3 la sabia y orgullosa llama de civilizaciones.<\/p><p>En el Sagrado Hotel de Todos los Santos en la Tierra no hab\u00eda piano. El vest\u00edbulo y la sala de estar no eran m\u00e1s que espacios v\u00edrgenes, complicados costillares de madera sosteniendo techos que no tardar\u00edan en arder y arder a lo largo de varias noches.<\/p><p>No hab\u00eda piano en el hotel, en Canciones Tristes, cerca de Los \u00c1lamos. Por eso la tentaci\u00f3n de las aguas solitarias, de recordarme joven y diferente, de pie sobre el piso de un bote. En el centro mismo del lago de Planicie Banderita, mirando al fondo de las aguas y descubriendo la columna vertebral de la represa hundida como en un sue\u00f1o, all\u00e1 abajo, donde tambi\u00e9n se adivinaban las calles y las casas y los jardines de un pueblo sepultado para siempre por s\u00e1banas de agua.<\/p><p>Los habitantes de Canciones Tristes insist\u00edan en asustarme con historias siempre diferentes, historias que cambiaban seg\u00fan el humor o la estatura de quienes me las contaban, pero que coincid\u00edan en un punto ineludible de un mapa difuso.<\/p><p>Planicie Banderita era el sitio de donde ven\u00edan los \u00e1ngeles; un lugar santo que el d\u00eda menos pensado saldr\u00eda a la superficie para respirar y escupir \u00e1ngeles con dulces liras o con espadas flam\u00edgeras entre sus manos, qui\u00e9n sabe.<\/p><p>El hombre flaco, insist\u00edan, hab\u00eda llegado a Canciones Tristes para liberar a las huestes submarinas del Se\u00f1or, para secarlas y devolverlas a los cielos adonde pertenec\u00edan.\u00a0<\/p><p>El hombre flaco no era otro que Oppie, o J. Robert Oppenheimer, arquitecto de la destrucci\u00f3n universal y de mi destrucci\u00f3n privada.<\/p><p>El hombre flaco ahora me descubr\u00eda de pie, en el ombligo exacto de un espejo de agua, con los brazos extendidos y recordando, sin mover mis manos, el dibujo preciso de aquellas variaciones como si estuviera frente a mi querido piano, lejos, en el norte de todas las cosas, en los bordes de otro lago llamado Simcoe.<\/p><p>El secreto estaba en invocar la imagen t\u00e1ctil de la m\u00fasica, de toda la obra en cuesti\u00f3n, y ubicarla en el rinc\u00f3n m\u00e1s limpio de mi cerebro y as\u00ed neutralizar el aburrimiento de mis d\u00edas y la prohibici\u00f3n m\u00e9dica de acercarme a un piano.\u00a0<\/p><p>En eso estaba \u2013mis manos en las teclas del aire\u2013 cuando o\u00ed que alguien aplaud\u00eda y abr\u00ed los ojos y ah\u00ed estaba Oppie, en otro bote, gritando: \u00abEncore! Encore!\u00bb, mientras el tel\u00f3n de mi desgracia sub\u00eda y bajaba y volv\u00eda a subir; mientras yo sal\u00eda a saludar una y otra vez sin saber si era el final del concierto o si se trataba, apenas, de esos segundos de falso silencio que separan una variaci\u00f3n de la siguiente.<\/p><p><br \/><br \/>Organizar las vidas como si se grabara m\u00fasica.\u00a0<\/p><p>Pasar dos o tres horas en el estudio para conseguir \u2013pr\u00f3ximos al desmayo\u2013 la perfecci\u00f3n de un par de minutos que nos rediman ante tanta desafinaci\u00f3n, ante el infinito desorden de las vidas.<\/p><p>Me llev\u00f3 una semana grabar las <em>Variaciones<\/em> por primera vez. Necesit\u00e9 unas veinte tomas para localizar \u2013despu\u00e9s de tanta b\u00fasqueda\u2013 el verdadero y secreto car\u00e1cter de la partitura.\u00a0<\/p><p>Supe entonces que era cuesti\u00f3n de manejar las primeras veinte aproximaciones como bocetos de un perfil que se me rebelaba y revelaba paulatinamente.<\/p><p>Utilic\u00e9 las primeras veinte tomas para eliminar toda expresi\u00f3n superflua de mis lecturas anteriores.<\/p><p>No hay nada m\u00e1s dif\u00edcil que esto; pero \u00bfc\u00f3mo renunciar a la recompensa que, al final de todo, nos obsequia el perfecto conocimiento del <em>aria da capo,<\/em> c\u00f3mo resistirse al completo entendimiento de sus movimientos y mutaciones?<\/p><p>El mismo proceso intento ahora con Oppie pero, claro, yo ya no soy el mismo y me muevo en c\u00edrculos alrededor de estas <em>Oppenheimer Variationen<\/em> con el recelo y el privilegio propio de quien se sabe \u00fanico sobreviviente de toda la historia.<\/p><p>De ah\u00ed que organice y reorganice a Oppie como quien arroja \u2013furioso hacia los cielos\u2013 el cuerpo de una sinfon\u00eda por el solo placer de ver c\u00f3mo cae sobre el foso de la orquesta.<\/p><p>J. Robert Oppenheimer precipit\u00e1ndose sobre la historia.<\/p><p>J. Robert Oppenheimer, el hombre alto y flaco que peina su cabeza con un cepillo para perro. Ojos azules y andar invertebrado por la calle central de Canciones Tristes. J. Robert Oppenheimer se parece un poco a James Stewart, y avanza con la determinaci\u00f3n de quien sabe que el adelante no est\u00e1 necesariamente ah\u00ed y que por eso parece moverse en todas las direcciones al mismo tiempo como una mol\u00e9cula descarriada.<\/p><p>J. Robert Oppenheimer aprendiendo idiomas para as\u00ed poder leer textos en su lengua original. Aprendi\u00f3 italiano para leer a Dante; le llev\u00f3 menos de un mes. Poco antes de cumplir treinta a\u00f1os conquist\u00f3 al s\u00e1nscrito para poder comprender el <em>Bhagavad-Gita<\/em> tal como hab\u00eda sido formulado. Aun as\u00ed, en todos y cada uno de los idiomas que supo hacer suyo se interpon\u00eda una part\u00edcula inconfundiblemente Oppenheimer: un nim-nim-nim que ya apareci\u00f3 en estas p\u00e1ginas y que bailaba en la separaci\u00f3n de cada frase convirtiendo cualquier lengua ajena en dialecto particular. Nim-nim-nim como forma de mantra, como contrase\u00f1a que abr\u00eda cualquier v\u00eda de escape.<\/p><p>J. Robert Oppenheimer conduciendo un autom\u00f3vil junto a una estudiante demasiado hermosa para ser cierta, detiene el motor en alg\u00fan lugar de las colinas de Berkeley. Necesita un poco de aire, explica. Camina alrededor del autom\u00f3vil y comienza a nadar en las aguas oscuras de un problema de f\u00edsica. Piensa y camina y flota y de pronto abandona su \u00f3rbita y ahora avanza por las entra\u00f1as de un bosque, de un camino que lleva al desierto sal\u00f3n de baile del Berkeley Club. N\u00fameros y se\u00f1ales bailan en su cabeza y, sin piedad alguna, deciden seguirlo en sue\u00f1os cuando se desploma sobre su cama y el auto y la chica han quedado tan atr\u00e1s y tan lejos. J. Robert Oppenheimer sue\u00f1a que soluciona ese problema en el momento exacto en que dos polic\u00edas encuentran a una joven estudiante que llora sin parar en un autom\u00f3vil abandonado, en alg\u00fan lugar de las colinas de Berkeley.<\/p><p>Y Oppie nunca crey\u00f3 en las casualidades. \u00bfPor qu\u00e9 pensar entonces que nuestro encuentro en Canciones Tristes fue un simple temblor del azar? En cuanto a lo que a m\u00ed respecta, con el tiempo comenc\u00e9 a vernos a los dos como partes diferentes de una misma ecuaci\u00f3n, como el alfa y el omega de una estructura \u00fanica. Es bajo este principio y esta creencia como encaro una tibia defensa de tus acciones, Oppie. Lo cierto es que tu organismo no estaba educado para el fracaso, pensabas que no podr\u00edas resistirlo. Y estoy seguro de que as\u00ed habr\u00eda sido. En eso, pienso, \u00e9ramos tan diferentes aunque tan complementarios\u2026<\/p><p>Todav\u00eda conservo una \u2013otra\u2013 antigua foto que me tomaron pocos meses despu\u00e9s de mi nacimiento: aqu\u00ed estoy, en la cuna, los brazos extendidos, los dedos en movimiento perpetuo: \u00abEl chico ser\u00e1 un gran pianista. O un gran f\u00edsico\u00bb, dictamin\u00f3 entonces el m\u00e9dico de la familia. Y yo, quiz\u00e1 presintiendo que el lugar de las leyes f\u00edsicas en esta historia ser\u00eda ocupado por otro personaje, comenc\u00e9 a fijar mis ojos en ese artefacto negro y vertical apoyado contra la pared de la sala que limitaba con las orillas del lago Simcoe.<\/p><p>El viejo duelo entre el arte y la ciencia, querido Oppie.<\/p><p>Siempre sostuve que el objetivo definitivo del arte era la pausada construcci\u00f3n de un estado de perfecta maravilla y serenidad.<\/p><p>Su prop\u00f3sito inmediato \u2013escrib\u00ed en alg\u00fan cuaderno lejano\u2013 ser\u00eda esencialmente terap\u00e9utico, hasta alcanzar la posibilidad de que el mismo arte, como forma, desapareciera en el espacio. Porque es de sabios, pienso, aceptar la idea de que el arte no tiene por qu\u00e9 ser inevitablemente benigno, de que inevitablemente hay un n\u00facleo de caos y destrucci\u00f3n detr\u00e1s de tanta belleza. Por eso debemos analizar las diferentes \u00e1reas que causen el menor da\u00f1o a la humanidad y utilizarlas como gu\u00edas. Por eso el arte es el instrumento que la humanidad ha creado, casi sin darse cuenta, para poder defenderse de s\u00ed misma.<\/p><p>Y lo mismo es v\u00e1lido para las ciencias exactas.<\/p><p>Pero, claro, te mov\u00edas en una cegadora tormenta de pizarras, uniformes y f\u00f3rmulas mientras, al otro lado de las cosas, la guerra en el Viejo Mundo funcionaba en tu teorema como la menos serena de las musas inspiradoras.<\/p><p>\u00c9ramos demasiado diferentes y \u2013al mismo tiempo\u2013 perfectamente afines para el desarrollo de una historia que combinara arte y ciencia y muerte.<\/p><p>Por eso fuimos elegidos.<\/p><p>Por eso, con la llegada de Jude a Canciones Tristes, la alineaci\u00f3n del tri\u00e1ngulo fue perfecta y s\u00f3lo qued\u00f3 sentarse a esperar lo inevitable con la misma inocencia de quien contempla esos cielos del Norte bordados de auroras boreales.<\/p><p>Por eso todo termin\u00f3 del modo en que termin\u00f3.<\/p><p>Por eso acabaste as\u00ed ocupando un lugar en esta historia.<\/p><p>Por eso eleg\u00ed yo las sombras, y desde entonces, desde aquellos d\u00edas en Canciones Tristes, el principal objetivo de mis noches ha sido el de intentar convertirme en el perfecto prisionero.<\/p><p>El perfecto prisionero \u2013s\u00e9panlo\u2013 es aquel que es condenado por cr\u00edmenes que jam\u00e1s cometi\u00f3. No creo que haya mejor manera de azotar la carne, y estoy seguro de que no existe m\u00e1s significativa <em>mise en sc\u00e8ne<\/em> contra la cual proyectar la vida del recluso que, parad\u00f3jicamente, aquella que me ha vuelto c\u00e9lebre por encima de mis aptitudes musicales.<\/p><p>Querido Oppie, habi\u00e9ndome expuesto a la explosi\u00f3n de tu falsa bomba y a la verdad de una historia, poco pod\u00eda interesarme ya el pasearme por la previsible superficie, por las tierras bajas de escenarios y auditorios atiborrados de seres id\u00e9nticos.<\/p><p>Apenas meses despu\u00e9s de dejar Canciones Tristes, me dediqu\u00e9 con pasi\u00f3n a convertirme en un loco imprevisible por el resto de los mortales. Un genio salvaje que brillar\u00eda por unos a\u00f1os con resplandor de estrella nova para enseguida desaparecer tras las consolas y la oscuridad de las peceras de los estudios de grabaci\u00f3n, santuarios donde yo me mover\u00eda con la intuitiva elegancia de esos peces profundos que nunca han visto la luz del sol.<\/p><p>As\u00ed, mi b\u00fasqueda de una hagiograf\u00eda propia ha tenido \u00e9xito.<\/p><p>As\u00ed alcanzo ahora la perfecci\u00f3n que siempre quise para el final de mis d\u00edas en este 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El conde Keyserling se muestra agradecido y recompensa a Bach con cien luises de oro, la mejor paga jam\u00e1s recibida por el compositor.<\/p><p>Sue\u00f1o con el conde sufriente \u2013sus ojos siempre abiertos como los de ciertas aves nocturnas\u2013 rog\u00e1ndole a su sirviente con un hilo de voz y una sonrisa fatigada un \u00abPor favor, querido Goldberg, ac\u00e9rcate y ejecuta mi \u201cAria mit Ver\u00e4nderungen\u201d\u00bb.<br \/><br \/><br \/><\/p><p>Sue\u00f1o con Oppie rog\u00e1ndome un \u00abPor favor, querido G.G., ac\u00e9rcate y toca algunas de esas malditas Variaciones\u00bb.<\/p><p>El piano en la casa de Los \u00c1lamos, las miradas de perra caliente de Kitty Oppenheimer, la desesperaci\u00f3n amotinada de los subalternos, y Oppie enloqueciendo en c\u00e1mara lenta. Todo es secreto y nada resulta como se supone y \u00bfpor qu\u00e9 no fabricarse un uniforme? Oppie se lo pone y me lo muestra y marcha por la sala golpeando los tacones de sus botas contra el piso de madera. Media vuelta y saludo nazi y crisis hist\u00e9rica y yo corriendo de regreso al Sagrado Hotel de Todos los Santos en la Tierra con el eco de los gritos de Oppie rebotando en todas partes: \u00ab\u00a1Quieren que averig\u00fce el m\u00e9todo y fabrique el arma para desarmar el planeta! \u00a1Y si lo consigo voy a ser un h\u00e9roe, voy a ser parte de la historia de la humanidad! \u00a1Quieren que vuelva a separar las aguas del Mar Rojo!\u00bb.<\/p><p>Lo que Oppie no pod\u00eda entender, lo que lo estaba volviendo loco, era no saber por qu\u00e9 lo hab\u00edan elegido a \u00e9l. Nadie mejor que yo para entender su desesperaci\u00f3n, porque yo tambi\u00e9n hab\u00eda sido elegido por motivos que todav\u00eda hoy desconozco.<\/p><p>Yo hab\u00eda nacido con el don de comprender la respiraci\u00f3n de todas las m\u00fasicas.<\/p><p>Yo nunca hab\u00eda estudiado horas y horas frente al teclado, desconoc\u00eda el gozoso tormento de la disciplina donde se hab\u00edan fraguado las manos de los mejores pianistas.<\/p><p>Yo viv\u00eda perseguido por el fr\u00edo de saberme el mejor sin siquiera hab\u00e9rmelo propuesto. Un fr\u00edo que se instalaba en tus huesos y tu sangre y no te dejaba transpirar la satisfacci\u00f3n del trabajo cumplido. Por eso guantes y bufandas y gorras bajo los soles de Canciones Tristes, de Quebec, de Washington D.C., de Nassau.<\/p><p>As\u00ed, mi locura se apoy\u00f3 en la de \u00e9l y pronto se extendieron por todo el campamento, por las calles de tierra y las chozas prefabricadas y los cerebros de los hombres m\u00e1s inteligentes de su generaci\u00f3n funcionando como d\u00ednamos simult\u00e1neos, su fricci\u00f3n produciendo chispas de oscuridad.<\/p><p>Hoy, tanto tiempo despu\u00e9s, esa misma locura se ha esparcido por el mundo como un gas nefasto.<\/p><p>As\u00ed, leo que la m\u00e1s larga marat\u00f3n de piano fue protagonizada por un imb\u00e9cil llamado David Scott quien toc\u00f3 sin detenerse durante cincuenta d\u00edas y dieciocho horas.\u00a0<\/p><p>As\u00ed, el primer experimento at\u00f3mico de posguerra tuvo lugar el 1 de junio en el atol\u00f3n Bikini. Arras\u00f3 una flota de setenta y cinco buques de guerra poblados por un ej\u00e9rcito de cuatro mil ochocientas cabras, cerdos y ratas. El artefacto que se lanz\u00f3 sobre los barcos estaba decorado con un retrato de la actriz Rita Hayworth y respond\u00eda al nombre de \u00abGilda\u00bb.<\/p><p>Pero no fue el artefacto el causante directo de la columna de fuego, del viento sin riendas, del cielo rojo indiscreto. El leg\u00edtimo responsable fue un individuo llamado Jude que hasta las miradas m\u00e1s esc\u00e9pticas no vacilar\u00edan en confundir con ese hombre en todas las cruces. Fue \u00e9l, s\u00ed. Fue algo y alguien que \u2013ahora que Oppie ya no est\u00e1 entre los vivos\u2013 s\u00f3lo yo s\u00e9, s\u00f3lo yo conozco.<\/p><p>Y no pasa un d\u00eda sin que lea en los diarios nuevas pruebas incontestables de la imbecilidad del hombre, consecuencia directa de lo ocurrido aquel amanecer en el Trinity Camp, en las afueras de Canciones Tristes.<\/p><p>As\u00ed es, Oppie: ning\u00fan jurado nos perdonar\u00eda.<\/p><p>Porque nosotros \u2013individuos aparentemente geniales\u2013 pose\u00edamos tambi\u00e9n la m\u00e1s genial de las estupideces.<\/p><p>Por eso, poco espacio merece aqu\u00ed la estupidez de los otros.<\/p><p>Apenas mencionar\u00e9 al pasar las palabras de un psicoanalista que no vacil\u00f3 en emparentar mis murmullos en las grabaciones con una necesidad desesperada de sustraerme a la realidad del mundo exterior. No me detendr\u00e9 tampoco en la ceguera de todos aquellos que no supieron compartir el \u00e9xtasis que yo sent\u00ed sobre los escenarios del mundo y que se conformaron, por ciegos, con condenar mis gestos ante un teclado. Prefiero, en cambio, referirme a otro tipo de estupidez; a una estupidez m\u00e1s compleja y fascinante.<\/p><p>La estupidez de ese hombre que \u2013fascinado por el retrato de la Gioconda\u2013 encarga al mejor copista que le pinte una reproducci\u00f3n perfecta y, al poco tiempo, no puede evitar sentir que la copia es superior al original. A\u00f1os m\u00e1s tarde, minutos antes de su muerte, el hombre le sonr\u00ede por \u00faltima vez a ese cuadro en la pared: le sonr\u00ede su infinito agradecimiento porque, ah, qu\u00e9 saben esos imb\u00e9ciles que se arrastran d\u00eda tras d\u00eda para contemplar una burda reproducci\u00f3n en el Louvre. Su Gioconda ha sido la verdadera siempre; la de los otros es, apenas, un apasionante fen\u00f3meno de masas, la histeria de espejismo colectivo.<\/p><p>Un m\u00ednimo pero definitivo detalle separa la historia de este hombre de la de Oppie. El hombre que amaba a la Gioconda muere feliz y convencido de la verdad de su mentira. J. Robert Oppenheimer, en cambio, muri\u00f3 despacio y atormentado. La flecha lenta de un c\u00e1ncer tard\u00f3 a\u00f1os en atravesarle la garganta y para cuando \u2013el 18 de febrero de 1967\u2013 cerr\u00f3 para siempre los ojos en la celda de un monasterio de clausura, Oppie estaba ya lejos de ser un hombre convencido de su locura y m\u00e1s lejos de haber encontrado el consuelo de Dios.<\/p><p>En sus \u00faltimas cartas me escrib\u00eda que le gustaba jugar al p\u00f3quer los viernes, que hab\u00eda perfeccionado su receta de Huevos a la Opje (chile verde y huevos revueltos); que hab\u00eda vendido su velero <em>Trimethy<\/em> y regalado su rancho mexicano Perro Caliente; que no extra\u00f1aba a las mujeres pero s\u00ed el acto de comprarles gardenias a las mujeres; que no se perd\u00eda un solo episodio de <em>Perry Mason;<\/em> y que \u00abno, querido G.G., no he hallado ni creo posible hallar, invocando una de tus citas predilectas, eso de<em> la paz que la Tierra no puede 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que sigue es la verdad, \u00e9sta es la verdadera sonrisa de la Gioconda, \u00e9ste es el verdadero protagonista de esta historia a quien llamaremos \u2013por razones de comodidad, para no complicar los pentagramas con melod\u00edas mucho m\u00e1s complejas\u2013 apenas Jude.<\/p><p>Su apariencia f\u00edsica y su rostro \u2013por las mismas razones antes citadas\u2013 ser\u00e1n r\u00e1pidamente descritos: Jude es incre\u00edblemente parecido a Jesucristo aunque algo m\u00e1s bajo de lo que cualquier creyente se atrever\u00eda a imaginar a Jesucristo. Su rostro no posee tampoco la delicadeza que uno aprendi\u00f3 a encontrar en estampitas religiosas y efigies bautizadas al por mayor bajo mangueras y extinguidores de incendios rociando toneladas de agua bendita en los techos de naves industriales m\u00e1s grandes que buques de carga.<\/p><p>Aqu\u00ed est\u00e1 la foto: Oppie y Jude y yo de pie junto a las bombas que pronto viajar\u00edan sin ser invitadas a una ciudad llamada Hiroshima y a otra ciudad llamada Nagasaki.<\/p><p>Ah\u00ed estamos, Oppie y Jude y yo y dos artefactos in\u00fatiles e inofensivos llamados <em>Fat Man<\/em> y <em>Little Boy.<\/em><\/p><p>Inofensivos porque el \u00e1tomo no existe, el \u00e1tomo no puede ser dividido.<\/p><p>Oigan: Jude ha llegado a Canciones Tristes arrastrando su maldita maleta y su maldita maldici\u00f3n y no es casual que encuentre f\u00e1cil complicidad en la desesperaci\u00f3n de Oppie.<\/p><p>Pronto Jude se mueve por el Trinity Camp como si fuera due\u00f1o del lugar.<\/p><p>Pronto le ofrece a Oppie algo que Oppie no est\u00e1 en condici\u00f3n de rechazar y que yo mencionar\u00e9 aqu\u00ed a toda velocidad, como si ejecutara el m\u00e1s trivial de los ejercicios para la mano izquierda o una de las m\u00e1s veloces variaciones, esa que ahora me parece la ideal banda de sonido para la m\u00e1s terrible de las pel\u00edculas mudas.<\/p><p>En la pantalla imagino ahora el rostro de un actor que gesticula demasiado cuando no hace falta porque, bueno, el actor ha conseguido una casi impecable personificaci\u00f3n de Jesucristo y mira entonces a c\u00e1mara y mueve los labios y el cart\u00f3n negro con letras blancas explica a continuaci\u00f3n que lo que ha dicho es:<\/p><p>\u00abAh, el hombre no es due\u00f1o del conocimiento supremo. No sabe c\u00f3mo se originaron todas las cosas de este mundo y mucho menos conoce las instrucciones para destruirlas. Aquello en lo que ustedes insisten en creer, como si fueran ciegos de nacimiento a los que se les miente la verdadera naturaleza de los colores; eso que llaman \u00abf\u00edsica\u00bb y \u00abqu\u00edmica\u00bb, no es m\u00e1s que la burda hipnosis de creerse due\u00f1os de sus propios destinos\u2026\u00bb.<\/p><p>El actor que personifica a Oppie cae de rodillas y recibe los golpes de las piedras de este discurso mientras oculta desesperado el rostro entre sus manos; de improviso, Oppie alza la vista y pregunta:<\/p><p>\u00ab\u00bfQu\u00e9 hacer entonces? \u00bfCu\u00e1l es el secreto?\u00bb.<\/p><p>El hombre demasiado parecido a Jesucristo responde con una sonrisa lenta:<\/p><p>\u00abNo hay secreto alguno\u2026 Tu investigaci\u00f3n est\u00e1 condenada al fracaso\u2026 Aunque\u2026\u00bb.<\/p><p>\u00ab\u00bfS\u00ed?\u00bb<\/p><p>\u00abPuedo ofrecerte algo.\u00bb<\/p><p>Mirada entre suplicante e incr\u00e9dula de Oppie.<\/p><p>Nueva placa, m\u00e1s texto:<\/p><p>\u00abTe ofrezco, porque tal es mi poder, que <em>algo<\/em> suceda cada vez que se arroje uno de esos artefactos in\u00fatiles que han construido y ensamblado seg\u00fan tus instrucciones\u2026 Te ofrezco que entonces, en cada una de esas ocasiones y por voluntad m\u00eda, el hombre sea testigo de un peque\u00f1o apocalipsis. Un hurac\u00e1n de muerte tan poderoso que har\u00e1 vacilar y aumentar al mismo tiempo su fe en el Creador. Te ofrezco pasar a la historia como el hombre que fabric\u00f3 la llave de una puerta que jam\u00e1s debi\u00f3 abrirse.\u00bb<\/p><p>Entonces la imagen funde a negro; pero antes que la oscuridad sea total les pido que reparen en esa peque\u00f1a figura espiando toda la acci\u00f3n desde los filos de una ventana.<\/p><p>S\u00ed, \u00e9se soy yo. Ah\u00ed est\u00e1 el hombre que vio demasiadas cosas demasiado temprano en su vida. Ah\u00ed est\u00e1 el joven que alguna vez fui y que a partir de ese momento ya no se me permiti\u00f3 volver a ser.<\/p><p>Desde entonces, todo fue como una historia cuya resoluci\u00f3n se precipita sobre nosotros sin darnos tiempo a atraparla en nuestros brazos.<\/p><p>Por eso los \u00abaaah\u00bb y los \u00aboooh\u00bb del p\u00fablico que, secretamente, siempre quiso que todo terminara exactamente<em> as\u00ed.<\/em><\/p><p>Por eso \u2013apenas cuarenta y ocho horas m\u00e1s tarde del pacto\u2013, el primer estallido.<\/p><p>Por eso, despu\u00e9s, enseguida, Oppie saludando desde un descapotable que avanza en c\u00e1mara lenta por las calles jubilosas de Canciones Tristes.<\/p><p>Por eso \u2013argumentando una profunda e inexplicable melancol\u00eda\u2013 le rogu\u00e9 a mis padres que volvi\u00e9semos lo m\u00e1s pronto posible a nuestra casa en las orillas del lago Simcoe. A los fr\u00edos del Norte que justificaban la exageraci\u00f3n de mis abrigos y a la metodolog\u00eda de mis pastillas y medicinas para no curarme jam\u00e1s de mi hipocondr\u00eda. Volver a la rutina de una partitura que mi o\u00eddo absoluto y mi memoria fotogr\u00e1fica enseguida convert\u00edan en algo tan familiar como la disposici\u00f3n de los cuartos y los \u00e1rboles de un lugar cuyo comportamiento todav\u00eda pod\u00eda entender y disfrutar como si yo lo hubiera compuesto y ejecutado; para reci\u00e9n permitirme apagar las luces de mi auditorio en el amanecer del s\u00e9ptimo 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No s\u00e9 muy bien por qu\u00e9; fundamentalmente, supongo, es una cuesti\u00f3n de seguridad. Aqu\u00ed estoy bien. Aqu\u00ed estoy lejos de todo. Toronto es una de las pocas ciudades que puedo afirmar que conozco y la \u00fanica que parece ofrecer \u2013al menos para m\u00ed\u2013 paz de esp\u00edritu. En mi juventud, recuerdo, Toronto era conocida como \u00abla Ciudad de las Iglesias\u00bb y, en efecto, los recuerdos m\u00e1s v\u00edvidos de mi infancia en relaci\u00f3n con Toronto tienen que ver con las iglesias. Con los servicios religiosos del domingo por la tarde. Con la luz del atardecer filtr\u00e1ndose a trav\u00e9s de los vitrales, coloreando el aire. Con los sacerdotes que siempre \u2013a esto se refer\u00eda Oppie en su \u00faltima carta\u2013 conclu\u00edan su bendici\u00f3n de despedida con un \u00abSe\u00f1or, danos la paz que la Tierra no puede brindarnos\u00bb. Ver\u00e1n: las ma\u00f1anas de lunes significaban para m\u00ed el retorno a la escuela y el tener que enfrentarme a todo tipo de situaciones terror\u00edficas. Yo ya era un <em>freak,<\/em> yo ya no me parec\u00eda a nadie. As\u00ed que aquellos momentos de refugio durante el domingo, por las tardes, se convirtieron en algo muy especial y muy sagrado. Significaba que all\u00ed pod\u00eda encontrar algo de calma y sosiego. Y supongo que debo confesar que ya no voy a la iglesia, pero s\u00ed recuerdo y me repito a menudo aquella frase sobre la paz que la Tierra no puede brindarnos. Y sigo encontrando un gran consuelo en ella. La digo una y otra vez, a lo largo del d\u00eda. La digo cuando me levanto y cuando me acuesto. La digo cuando abro y cierro mi piano.\u00a0<\/p><p><br \/><br \/>El solo prop\u00f3sito de una puerta que se abre es saber que alg\u00fan d\u00eda volver\u00e1 a cerrarse.\u00a0<\/p><p>Mi primera grabaci\u00f3n de las <em>Variaciones,<\/em> en 1955, funciona como un entusiasta \u00ab\u00a1Aqu\u00ed estoy, he llegado y conmigo empieza la historia!\u00bb. Resulta perfectamente coherente que \u2013superado<\/p><p>el asombro de todos aquellos que consideraban esa vieja grabaci\u00f3n como definitiva\u2013 vuelva a las mismas notas, al mismo estudio, veintisiete a\u00f1os m\u00e1s tarde, para dejar registrado el sonido de la puerta que se cierra, el \u00ab\u00a1Adi\u00f3s y gracias por la atenci\u00f3n prestada!\u00bb.<\/p><p>Supe entonces que el fin estaba cerca.<\/p><p>Varias semanas antes de las primeras sesiones de grabaci\u00f3n empec\u00e9 a perder la facultad de proyectarme en el futuro mientras recib\u00eda a cambio recurrentes dolores de cabeza. No. No era as\u00ed, y lo supe enseguida: simplemente me hab\u00eda quedado sin futuro. La cinta de mis d\u00edas estaba girando sus \u00faltimas revoluciones y se aproximaba al vac\u00edo por no tener m\u00e1s lugar donde continuar grabando.<\/p><p>Volv\u00ed a entrar en los estudios como tantas otras veces: el evidente hombre invisible envuelto en bufandas, gorra, abrigo y manos enguantadas, arrastrando su c\u00e9lebre y desfigurada silla. Alguien sac\u00f3 una foto de la silla vac\u00eda junto al piano y esa foto fue el \u00faltimo espasmo de futuro que se me permiti\u00f3 contemplar. Supe que esa foto aparecer\u00eda en las notas de contratapa en una edici\u00f3n repleta de evidentes signos funerarios y de transparentes despedidas.<\/p><p>La portada ser\u00eda impresa antes de mi desaparici\u00f3n pero, aun as\u00ed, pasen y busquen y encuentren s\u00edntomas claros al dorso: silla vac\u00eda sin G. G.; el texto explicativo de rigor enmarcado en las bandas negras propias de los obituarios, y, en cada surco, mis tan criticados susurros y mis suspiros apoy\u00e1ndose en las notas del piano. S\u00f3lo a los m\u00e1s insensibles pod\u00eda escap\u00e1rseles el hecho de que, s\u00ed, me estaba despidiendo entre los compases del aria que cierra el milagro.<\/p><p>S\u00e9 que varios de los ingenieros de sonido y un pu\u00f1ado de mis mejores amigos no pudieron evitar las l\u00e1grimas mientras me o\u00edan ejecutar las <em>Variaciones<\/em> por \u00faltima vez.<\/p><p>No me averg\u00fcenza reconocer que yo tambi\u00e9n lloraba a mi manera, que era feliz como nunca lo hab\u00eda sido porque ya no hab\u00eda dudas, no hab\u00eda nada por delante. Aquella tarde ejecut\u00e9 las <em>Variaciones<\/em> como quien cierra una caja con llave, como quien arroja la llave a las aguas de un lago y se aleja caminando despacio hacia ese lugar donde por fin descansar\u00e1 a solas. Alguna vez me preguntaron si, de haber podido, me hubiera dedicado a otro oficio. Respond\u00ed que me atra\u00eda la posibilidad de ser un condenado a cadena perpetua pero, eso s\u00ed, inocente de todos los cr\u00edmenes por los que se me hab\u00eda encerrado.<\/p><p>Piensen en mi vida como en la historia de un hombre que decidi\u00f3 convertirse en su propio paisaje. 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G.G. dando tres golpes sobre la pulida superficie, sobre el \u00e9bano y el roble de amistades que ahora vuelvo a poner a prueba con minutos y horas de pulsos telef\u00f3nicos amonton\u00e1ndose como si obedecieran los dictados de un metr\u00f3nomo. De acuerdo, es tarde y dorm\u00edas el sue\u00f1o de los justos o de los inconscientes pero, ah, soy yo y yo tengo historias tan maravillosas para contarte\u2026<\/p><p>As\u00ed hablar\u00e9 hasta el amanecer, hasta que llegue el sue\u00f1o y con el sue\u00f1o llegar\u00e1n las visiones, las escenas de una pel\u00edcula sin montar pero aun as\u00ed perfectamente comprensible.<\/p><p><br \/><br \/>Me ubico en los \u00faltimos metros de esta historia. Aqu\u00ed avanzo hasta el borde de mi vida y, entonces s\u00ed, una mano para proteger mis ojos cansados del sol.<\/p><p>Y veo:<\/p><p>Una l\u00e1pida arropada de nieve. Mi nombre. Dos fechas separadas por cincuenta a\u00f1os en el tiempo. La silueta de un piano esculpida sobre granito oscuro y sobre ella los compases iniciales del <em>aria da capo.<\/em><\/p><p>M\u00e1s atr\u00e1s todav\u00eda. Los cambios clim\u00e1ticos imposibles de detectar por cualquier pron\u00f3stico meteorol\u00f3gico. Incoherencias en presiones y temperaturas y la g\u00e9nesis de la tormenta roja en mi cerebro. Un viento seco y terminal.<\/p><p>Me derrumbo una semana despu\u00e9s de alcanzar el medio siglo de edad. Ni una novela escrita, pero el consuelo de estas p\u00e1ginas y kil\u00f3metros de grabaciones que alguna vez pens\u00e9 en desgrabar a orillas del lago Simcoe, bajo la sombra comprensiva del primero de mis pianos.<\/p><p>La ambulancia, el hospital y mi negativa a que todo esto se haga p\u00fablico, mi progresiva ca\u00edda en la inconsciencia, mi autom\u00e1tico aprendizaje de la m\u00fasica de c\u00e1mara de la muerte. Descubro que la toco bien, lenta, con elegancia, y que no hay testigos, nadie critica ahora mi canto mientras la interpreto con la tranquilidad de cantar para nadie, para m\u00ed. Por momentos mi voz oscurece la m\u00fasica pero no hay nadie aqu\u00ed para se\u00f1al\u00e1rmelo.<\/p><p>Entonces es el color gris, mi color favorito, y la l\u00ednea plana de mi cerebro que \u2013piadoso y siempre preocupado por el tiempo dram\u00e1tico\u2013 se permite un imprevisto gesto para cerrar y fortalecer mi humilde leyenda, un \u00faltimo atisbo de cordura.<\/p><p>Abro los ojos y me descubro \u2013casi sorprendido\u2013 en una cama de hospital, rodeado por mis seres m\u00e1s cercanos. Alguien llora mi suerte. \u00bfC\u00f3mo describir el placer final de verlos a todos entre maravillados y temerosos ante mi sonrisa recuperada? Me incorporo sin dificultad en la cama. Miro a cada uno de ellos, los miro despacio pero con la misma velocidad que otras veces utilic\u00e9 para memorizar cientos de notas en cuesti\u00f3n de minutos. Entonces me despido. As\u00ed: alzo mis brazos para orientar el tr\u00e1nsito de una orquesta que s\u00f3lo yo puedo o\u00edr.<\/p><p>Eso es todo: m\u00fasica y un sue\u00f1o hecho realidad despu\u00e9s de todo.<\/p><p>Me veo desde arriba, veo c\u00f3mo me cubren con una s\u00e1bana blanca, con la misma respetuosa parsimonia con que yo cerr\u00e9 la tapa de tantos pianos al final de tantos conciertos. Salzsburgo.<\/p><p>Jerusal\u00e9n. Mosc\u00fa.<\/p><p>Despu\u00e9s, a medida que asciendo, todo parece desordenarse. No demoro en comprender que esto se debe al caos impl\u00edcito del mundo de los vivos.<\/p><p>Entonces me alejo y de improviso es el espacio. El azul y el negro y un fr\u00edo como jam\u00e1s conoc\u00ed; la certeza de haber alcanzado la m\u00e1s inexpugnable de las soledades.<\/p><p>Floto hacia la luz de mis funerales en la catedral de Toronto.\u00a0 Siempre tuve curiosidad por saber qui\u00e9n vendr\u00eda a mi funeral. Ahora lo s\u00e9.<\/p><p>Floto hacia una luz parecida a la de las iglesias de mi infancia cuando \u00e9ramos yo y el \u00f3rgano y la m\u00fasica y la posibilidad cierta de un Dios sabio.<\/p><p>Miren: hay un artefacto suspendido en el espacio que por una vez no parece invitarme con la visi\u00f3n de un teclado dispuesto. Entonces recuerdo.<\/p><p>Un disco dorado. Una invitaci\u00f3n al baile.<\/p><p>Recuerdo que me mostraron fotos y me leyeron aquello de \u00ab\u00c9ste es un peque\u00f1o obsequio desde un mundo distante\u2026\u00bb que no tardar\u00eda en grabar la voz del presidente de turno. <em>Voyager I y II.<\/em><\/p><p>Recuerdo que un funcionario me comunic\u00f3 \u2013con un orgullo que entonces no supe comprender pero que ahora me resulta obvio\u2013 que el <em>Voyager I<\/em> y el <em>Voyager II<\/em> estaban dise\u00f1ados para soportar la erosi\u00f3n de la nada por m\u00e1s de un bill\u00f3n de a\u00f1os; que sus trayectorias preestablecidas los llevar\u00eda m\u00e1s all\u00e1 de J\u00fapiter y Saturno y Plut\u00f3n; que abandonar\u00edan el mapa conocido del sistema solar entre 1987 y 1989 y que a partir de all\u00ed el primero se dirigir\u00eda hacia el ojo claro de la constelaci\u00f3n Ophiuchus y que el segundo se concentrar\u00eda en los cascos briosos de la constelaci\u00f3n Capricornus.<\/p><p>Un disco dorado donde \u2013escuchen\u2013 aparecen las figuras de un hombre y una mujer junto a saludos en sumerio, en ingl\u00e9s, en todos los idiomas, para luego hacer espacio a la cuidadosa<\/p><p>edici\u00f3n de un compendio de sonidos de este planeta que no tardar\u00e9 en abandonar. Los jadeos de las ballenas; la incontenible felicidad de los volcanes; perros y trenes y trenes ladr\u00e1ndole a los perros; risas y besos y la perdonable obviedad de Louis Armstrong en \u00abMelancholy Blues\u00bb; una flauta japonesa describiendo la danza de las cig\u00fce\u00f1as en sus nidos; el aria de la Reina de la Noche de <em>La flauta m\u00e1gica;<\/em> pigmeos del Zaire ofreciendo un ritmo colosal e inici\u00e1tico.<\/p><p>Y yo frente a un piano, en un estudio de grabaci\u00f3n que alguna vez fue una iglesia elevada a los cielos para gloria de Nuestro Se\u00f1or mientras no puedo evitar preguntarme qui\u00e9n habr\u00e1 olvidado agregar, de qui\u00e9n habr\u00e1 sido la decisi\u00f3n de omitir el sonido definitivo de aquella primera ma\u00f1ana at\u00f3mica en Trinity Camp, en las afueras de Canciones Tristes.<\/p><p>Casi al final del disco dorado, el Preludio y la Fuga en Mi mayor del primer libro del<em> Das Wohltemperierte Klavier.<\/em> Bach interpretado por G.G. y \u2013ahora lo comprendo todo\u2013, \u00bfqu\u00e9 mejor que una fuga como pasaporte para este largo viaje? Una fuga es el proceso que s\u00f3lo tiene que ver \u2013y que o\u00edr\u2013 consigo mismo, que no es capaz de ninguna evoluci\u00f3n m\u00e1s all\u00e1 de su \u00f3rbita y que, al no conocer conclusi\u00f3n alguna, es un proceso infinito.<\/p><p>Si todo resulta bien, dentro de cuarenta mil a\u00f1os luz, ambos artefactos se acercar\u00e1n a los bordes de una estrella de cuarta magnitud. AC+79\/388 ser\u00e1 su nombre, y si nada ocurre all\u00ed \u2013si no encuentro un auditorio dispuesto a apreciar mi m\u00fasica en lugar de regocijarse por mis\u2026 uh\u2026 excentricidades\u2013 seguir\u00e9 camino hasta AC-14\/1833-183 o quiz\u00e1 hacia DM+11\/651 o hasta Urkh 24 donde los recuerdos de aquel sol brillando sobre las aguas del lago Simcoe, del viento barriendo toda posibilidad de postal, de la flor de muerte falsamente adjudicada a la desesperaci\u00f3n de J. Robert Oppenheimer, ser\u00e1n apenas notas invisibles en la infinita complejidad de un concierto que \u2013por fin\u2013 s\u00f3lo podr\u00e9 comprender despu\u00e9s de milenios de concentraci\u00f3n y disciplina.<\/p><p>Lo estudiar\u00e9 todas las noches sabiendo que aqu\u00ed s\u00f3lo hay noches y el tiempo no importa.<\/p><p>Estudiar\u00e9 por primera vez porque nada sabr\u00e9 aqu\u00ed; las notas ser\u00e1n otras y el teclado responder\u00e1 a otras leyes, y yo ser\u00e9 feliz porque \u2013despu\u00e9s de tanto tiempo\u2013 se me ofrecer\u00e1 la posibilidad de una melod\u00eda que no entiendo y debo entender.<\/p><p>Estudiar\u00e9, s\u00ed, hasta verlo todo.<\/p><p>S\u00f3lo Dios ve todas las cosas; pero yo estar\u00e9 cada vez m\u00e1s cerca de Dios y s\u00f3lo extra\u00f1ar\u00e9, tal vez, cantarles Mahler a los elefantes del zool\u00f3gico de Toronto, a los peces sin due\u00f1o del lago Simcoe.<\/p><p>Y alguna vez, en la perfecci\u00f3n de un instante, el autor de todas las m\u00fasicas vendr\u00e1 en busca de la m\u00fasica escondida en este artefacto, y nada le costar\u00e1 interpretar las instrucciones para hacer funcionar el disco dorado.<\/p><p>Entonces yo y la m\u00fasica seremos uno en sus o\u00eddos al comprender que mi pasaje por esta historia ha tenido alg\u00fan sentido final, que del caos de mis d\u00edas se desprende el consuelo de una melod\u00eda sencilla y ligera pero, no por eso, f\u00e1cil de condenar al olvido de los 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20 minutos
Oppenheimer señalando una fotografía de la explosión de la bomba atómica sobre la ciudad japonesa de Nagasaki, junto al científico Henry D. Smyth (segundo por la izquierda), el general Kenneth D. Nichols (segundo por la derecha) y el científico Glenn Seaborg. Crédito: Getty Images.

Oppenheimer señalando una fotografía de la explosión de la bomba atómica sobre la ciudad japonesa de Nagasaki, junto al científico Henry D. Smyth (segundo por la izquierda), el general Kenneth D. Nichols (segundo por la derecha) y el científico Glenn Seaborg. Crédito: Getty Images.

Sépanlo, en la etiqueta de la caja donde están las cintas definitivas se lee: «Bach / The Goldberg Variations / Glenn Gould».

Escuchen: el aria en el que están basadas las treinta y una variaciones es una sarabanda. Una danza lenta del período barroco, una enigmática y lírica melodía en dos secciones de igual peso específico y átomos perfectamente afinados.

Cada una de las variaciones responde al patrón armónico del tema original; por lo tanto, la línea del bajo es similar para todas ellas. La primera variación obedece los dictámenes de un estilo conocido como invención en dos partes.

La segunda variación es, en cambio, una invención en tres partes, con las dos partes superiores conversando con orgullosa modestia por encima del bajo que, por un momento, parece algo molesto por no ser más el centro excluyente de toda atención.

Cada tres variaciones hace su aparición un canon, donde la segunda de las dos partes instrumentales obedece y repite, casi obsecuente, los ademanes de la primera con exactitud y a una distancia de cuatro segundos en el tiempo y en el espacio.

Menos de un minuto más tarde se presenta una más breve y más estridente variación cuyas cuatro partes encajan, idénticas, una sobre la otra, como una hilera de amantes agotados que se dejan caer desde las cumbres del éxtasis.

Entonces, sorpresiva pero nunca maleducada, golpea la puerta una inesperada variación mal disfrazada de moto perpetuo, desenredándose en giros que convergen hacia el centro mismo de la música.

Siempre ejecuto esta última parte con una sola mano. Grabé las Variaciones por primera vez en un tórrido junio de 1955 (yo y mi silla y mis toallas y mis botellas de agua mineral y mi botiquín portátil) y ayer volví a grabarlas, diferentes, tantos años después, 1981, en el mismo lugar de entonces: la vieja capilla presbiteriana que la Columbia convirtió en estudio de grabación. En la calle Treinta, Manhattan. Las «nuevas» Variaciones –me gusta pensar en ambas versiones como el Viejo y el Nuevo Testamento de la misma historia– ocupan más tiempo y espacio e incluyen más murmullos. Mi voz cansada, el descubrimiento de la lentitud, la meditación por encima de la acción, la ausencia de toda necesidad de impresionar a todos, la sabiduría que se alcanza con la edad y cerca del fin. Ya no tiene sentido correr, mejor caminar, observar el sonido de cada una de ellas con rayos X en los oídos. Trabajarlas en segmentos. Grabarlas de una en una. Desarmarlas para armarlas mientras me filman para un documental que –sus responsables no pueden siquiera sospecharlo– acabará siendo la crónica de cómo la materia de un hombre se dispone a convertirse en el fantasma del sonido.

Las notas de arriba y abajo me obligan, en ocasiones, a cruces y saltos de varias octavas. Lo que no me causa demasiados problemas. Arriba y abajo y cruces y saltos de varias octavas pero no importa; que mis manos brillen en la oscuridad facilita todo el asunto.

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Vidas de santos

Vidas de santos, segunda obra de Rodrigo Fresán, es un libro fundamentalmente experimental. Hibrido entre el volumen de relatos y la novela collage, el nexo común de todas sus partes gira en torno ...

El sonido de los dígitos del teléfono rompiendo la noche envasada al vacío y tu descanso seguramente merecido pero, bueno, aquí estoy yo otra vez.

Hola. Hola. Hola. ¿Hay alguien allí?

Ésta es la llamada imprevisible aunque no del todo sorprendente. El corredor solitario ataca de nuevo, rebotando en los satélites, acelerando su camino en los cables y en los postes y en los lejanos auriculares del mundo y en la electricidad del aire que alguna vez fue acústico. 

Ésta es la voz misteriosa y ermitaña y –aun así– amigable y digna de tu confianza.

Ésta es la Gran Cuenta Telefónica y el eficaz pie para el clásico comentario, para parlamentos como: «Dios mío, te apuesto lo que quieras a que es otra vez G.G.».

¿Atenderás el teléfono, amigo mío? ¿Sí?

Escucha entonces.

Escucha entonces la música que me dispongo a interpretar en este instrumento, que no es un piano ni un clavicordio.

No: es un piano neurótico que insiste en creerse un clavicordio.



A veces –cada vez más seguido, a medida que se acerca el fin de todo lo que conocemos como real–, recibo inequívocas señales de que Oppie no ha muerto, de que aparecerá como uno de esos muñecos de resorte saltando desde el filoso doble fondo de una caja de colores estridentes, desde un inédito ángulo de mi memoria cansada.

Pero no, Oppie está muerto.

Tan muerto como la posibilidad de cambiar la historia, o de revisar las fórmulas, o de volver a unir lo que jamás debió separarse.

Una vieja postal enviada por Oppie, entonces. Un premio consuelo, algo que se encuentra en un cajón mientras se busca cualquier otra cosa.

Miren: en la postal está Jesucristo, de pie junto al automóvil conducido por una pareja de perfectos adolescentes. Junto al camino hay una señal de carretera con una flecha de dos cabezas. «Muerte», dice una; «Vida», dice la otra. Jesucristo, por supuesto, señala en la dirección de la vida. Jesucristo tiene un brazo extendido, el brazo derecho (Dios es diestro, el Diablo es siniestro; siempre es así), apuntando el camino derecho y correcto, hacia adelante, el camino que conduce a la vida. La muerte va marcha atrás, la muerte es para los cobardes. La muerte escribe historias terribles y definitivas con su zarpa izquierda.

Del otro lado de la postal, bajo un sello con el rostro del domador de relámpagos Benjamin Franklin, sonríe la complicada caligrafía de Oppie. Caligrafía de quien está más habituado al nervioso y veloz trazo de las fórmulas científicas que al reflexivo y frío dibujo de las fórmulas afectivas.

Lean:

Este señor es un mentiroso, G. G. Nunca confíes en individuos con barba y túnica que te señalan cualquier cosa a un costado del camino. Nunca aceptes caramelos de desconocidos (yo cometí el error de hacerlo). Nunca experimentes con ciertos elementos peligrosos. Nunca te apartes de los consejos y dictados del manual de instrucciones. ¡Aleluya!

Ésta es tan sólo una de las muchas «Postales con Jesucristo» que me envió Oppie desde el momento en que consiguió ubicarme a partir de mi famosa y primera grabación de las Variaciones. Postales que, vistas a contraluz, revelan un transparente pedido de disculpas nunca del todo formulado.

Ahora, un recorte de un libro que siempre me hace sonreír. Una foto en donde aparecen, en 1938, el científico Otto Hahn anotando algo en un block de notas y la doctora Lise Meitner, que lo observa entre admirada y piadosa, con esa típica mirada a la Marie Curie que parecen vestir todas las mujeres interesadas en las secretas leyes que rigen este planeta. Lo divertido no es la foto en sí sino lo que se puede leer al pie: «Berlín, 1938: Otto Hahn descubre un fenómeno que no puede explicar. A su lado, Lise Meitner le explica que acaba de dividir el átomo».

¿No es divertido?

Es divertido porque es mentira.

Nadie dividió el átomo.

Nadie va a dividirlo nunca, por la sencilla razón de que el átomo no existe. O por lo menos no existe tal como nosotros lo imaginamos.

El átomo es un espíritu científico y no santo, una ilusión óptica que convence a los mortales de que entienden algo cuyo secreto les estará siempre vedado. Pero me estoy adelantando demasiado y esta música requiere de un tiempo más calmo para su comprensión y disfrute.

La vieja postal, las resignadas pupilas de la dulce Lise y, ahora, la célebre foto de Oppie modelo 1958. Oppie congelado en el aire, saltando frente a la cámara de ese fotógrafo adicto a capturar celebridades en suspensión y ajenas por unos segundos a los impostergables imperativos de la gravedad. Y estas palabras de Oppie acompañando a esa foto: «En el aire, lejos del suelo, todos son auténticos; la verdad aparece, siempre, cuando no se la puede apoyar en ningún lado».

Oppie en el aire, entonces: el índice extendido, desafiante, a los cielos y a todo lo que pueda esconderse en las alturas. Atrás, a sus espaldas, un pizarrón rebosante de fórmulas nos recuerda que, después de todo, Oppie tiene poco que ver con este mundo, con el suelo que pisamos cada mañana. Oppie y las fórmulas de Oppie prefieren ocuparse de la luz que viene de muy lejos, de otra parte antes que de nosotros quienes no somos más que la sombra que proyecta esa luz al chocar contra materia más o menos sólida, más o menos verdadera y real.

Julius Robert Oppenheimer. Crédito: Getty Images.

Julius Robert Oppenheimer. Crédito: Getty Images.

La furia de la pupila de Dios incendiando el ojo de Oppie.

Nuevo México, 1945.

Recuerden la sonrisa de X, el llanto de Y, la ausencia de Z, el inesperado fantasma de la música de Tchaikovski (sí, fui yo quien amplificó la suite de El cascanueces segundos antes del estallido) brotando por los altoparlantes con alegría juguetona, las palabras de Krishna adoptadas legalmente por Oppie en aquel exitoso amanecer de lo que enseguida supimos iba a llamarse la Era Atómica:

–Me he convertido en la Muerte, el destructor de mundos –sonrió Oppie mientras las furiosas fuerzas del Apocalipsis se tendían a sus pies para que él les acariciara el lomo encrespado de púas.

Y, enseguida, ese sonido irrepetible abriéndose paso desde los fondos de su garganta. Un sonido tan poderoso como el que estaba cocinándose ahí afuera. El trueno de una orquesta de fuego cuyos músicos parecían trenzarse en una suerte de ensayo general del fin del mundo.

¿Quién sabe si fue el gemido del pecador descubierto o el alarido triunfante de la bestia conquistadora? La verdad siempre está en los ojos y, claro, ¿dónde encontrar certeza o consuelo si ninguno de nosotros –quizá por pudor– se atrevía a buscar los ojos de Oppie? Nuestras miradas estaban cubiertas por pesadas antiparras tan negras como la noche que íbamos a rasgar en cinco, cuatro, tres, dos, un segundo.

«¡Hágase la luz!», diría después que susurró William L. Lawrence, el obvio corresponsal del New York Times.

Y, obviamente, la luz se hizo.

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Prometeo americano

Kai Bird

Martin J. Sherwin