Ficciones

Peonías

El más reciente libro de Zadie Smith, escrito durante los primeros meses de confinamiento, es un agudo ejercicio de observación de realidades, sensaciones, ideas y preguntas que han aflorado en una situación sin precedentes. Este ensayo es una muestra del ejercicio literario de una de las voces más importantes en lengua inglesa.

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antes de marcharme de Nueva York me encontr\u00e9 de pronto en una posici\u00f3n inesperada: agarrada a las rejas del Jefferson Market Garden mirando a trav\u00e9s de los barrotes. Un momento antes iba a la carrera, como de costumbre, intentando sacar provecho de dos minutos que hab\u00eda rascado de los tramos de cuarenta y cinco en que, entonces, fraccionaba mis d\u00edas (compactando y nivelando cada bloque de tiempo con la precisi\u00f3n con que un ni\u00f1o construye un castillo de arena). Dos minutos \u00ablibres\u00bb equival\u00edan a un <em>macchiato<\/em> (en un mundo ideal, sin necesidad de pagar en efectivo, si nadie me daba conversaci\u00f3n). En aquella \u00e9poca, la hoja de mi pala siempre estaba afilada para ahuyentar a camareros parlanchines, madres excesivamente simp\u00e1ticas, estudiantes en apuros, lectores curiosos: cualquiera que me pareciese una amenaza contra mi programa. Ah, \u00a1qu\u00e9 bien protegida iba! Pero, a traici\u00f3n, me atac\u00f3... la horticultura: los tulipanes que florec\u00edan en el tri\u00e1ngulo de tierra de un peque\u00f1o jard\u00edn metropolitano. No es que los tulipanes sean flores muy sofisticadas; un cr\u00edo podr\u00eda dibujarlos; y adem\u00e1s eran de un rosa chill\u00f3n con vetas naranjas. Desde el mis\u00admo instante en que me detuve a mirarlos dese\u00e9 que fueran peon\u00edas.<\/p><p>Nacida y criada en la ciudad, no era consciente de sentir un entusiasmo especial por las flores, o al menos no un inter\u00e9s tan profundo como para renunciar al caf\u00e9. Aun as\u00ed, segu\u00ed aferrada a los barrotes de aquella verja; no iba a soltarme. Y no estaba sola: a ambos lados del Jefferson hab\u00eda otras dos mujeres, ambas m\u00e1s o menos de mi edad, atisbando a trav\u00e9s de la reja. Era un d\u00eda fr\u00edo, radiante, azul; ni una nube entre el World Trade Center y el n\u00famero de siete d\u00edgitos pintado en el viejo anuncio de la farmacia Bigelow. Las tres ten\u00edamos obligaciones que atender; no obstante, alg\u00fan instinto poderoso nos hab\u00eda atra\u00eddo hasta all\u00ed, y el af\u00e1n depredador con el que escrut\u00e1bamos aquellos tulipanes me hizo recordar c\u00f3mo describ\u00eda Nabokov la presunta g\u00e9nesis de <em>Lolita<\/em>: \u00abEl primer d\u00e9bil latido [...] si no recuerdo mal fue provocado, en cierta medida, por un relato period\u00edstico acerca de un chimpanc\u00e9 del <em>Jardin des Plantes<\/em> que, despu\u00e9s de meses de pacientes esfuerzos por parte de un cient\u00edfico, hizo el primer dibujo realizado nunca por un animal: mostraba los barrotes de la jaula de la pobre criatura\u00bb. Siempre me ha interesado esa cita, aun sin creer una sola palabra de lo que dice. (Algo inspirar\u00eda<em> Lolita<\/em>, sin embargo, estoy convencida de que no hubo primates implicados.) El cient\u00edfico ofrece el trozo de carboncillo esperando o deseando una revelaci\u00f3n trascendente sobre ese chimpanc\u00e9, pero la revelaci\u00f3n resulta ser fruto de la mera contingencia, de una serie de circunstancias determinadas, de la situaci\u00f3n como tal. El chimpanc\u00e9 est\u00e1 enjaulado por su naturaleza, por sus instintos y por sus circunstancias (el orden de los factores habr\u00e1n de debatirlo los zo\u00f3logos); es lo que hay. Por mi parte, no necesitaba que un freudiano me explicara que aquellas tres mujeres de mediana edad, al filo de la perimenopausia, se hab\u00edan sentido atra\u00ed\u00addas por un s\u00edmbolo que pregonaba la fertilidad y el renacimiento en medio de una yerma metr\u00f3polis de cemento... Y, en efecto, cuando advertimos la presencia de las dem\u00e1s, las tres sonre\u00edmos avergonzadas. En mi caso, sin embargo, fue una verg\u00fcenza bien distinta a la que habr\u00eda sentido en otro tiempo, cuando era muy joven y le\u00ed<em> Lolita<\/em> por primera vez. En aquella \u00e9poca, para m\u00ed, la jaula de mi circunstancia era el g\u00e9nero. No en su manifestaci\u00f3n concreta: me gustaba mi cuerpo. Pero no lo que cre\u00eda que significaba: que estaba atada a mi \u00abnaturaleza\u00bb, a mi cuerpo animal \u2014al reino simiesco del instinto\u2014, y todo esto de un modo mucho m\u00e1s fundamental que, digamos, mis hermanos. Yo ten\u00eda \u00abciclos\u00bb, ellos no; yo deb\u00eda prestar atenci\u00f3n a distintos \u00abrelojes\u00bb, ellos no necesariamente. Hab\u00eda palabras especialmente dirigidas a m\u00ed acechando en el horizonte, empaquetadas de antemano para se\u00f1alar las posibles etapas de mi existencia: podr\u00eda convertirme en una solterona, podr\u00eda convertirme en una arp\u00eda, podr\u00eda ser un \u00abbomb\u00f3n\u00bb, una madura deseable o una mujer \u00absin hijos\u00bb, mientras que mis hermanos, sin importar qu\u00e9 m\u00e1s les ocurriera, continuar\u00edan siendo simplemente hombres. Y al final, <em>con suerte<\/em>, llegar\u00eda a ser la criatura m\u00e1s pat\u00e9tica de todas, una anciana a quien ya adivinaba como alguien a quien cualquiera, hasta los ni\u00f1os, se permitir\u00eda dar lecciones. Sol\u00eda escuchar la canci\u00f3n <em>You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman)<\/em> [Me haces sentir (una mujer natural)] e intentaba imaginar su contrapartida. Pod\u00edas hacer que alguien se sintiera un hombre \u00abde verdad\u00bb (sin duda, otro tipo de jaula), pero nunca un hombre natural: un hombre era un hombre era un hombre. Doblegaba la naturaleza a su voluntad; no se somet\u00eda a ella, salvo en la muerte. La sumisi\u00f3n a la naturaleza iba a ser mi reino, y era un reino al que yo no quer\u00eda pertenecer: ser\u00eda una mujer, pero no natural. Me negu\u00e9 a llevar ning\u00fan tipo de control de mi ciclo menstrual, por ejemplo, prefiriendo ponerme a llorar el lunes y descubrir la (supuesta) raz\u00f3n de mi llanto el martes. S\u00ed, mucho mejor eso que prepararse a conciencia para un lunes triste o creer que era inevitable sin m\u00e1s. Mis estados de \u00e1nimo eran m\u00edos: no reflejaban la naturaleza. Me negu\u00e9 a tolerar la idea de que nada en m\u00ed siguiera un movimiento c\u00edclico, mensual. Y si alg\u00fan d\u00eda decid\u00eda ser madre, lo ser\u00eda cuando llegara \u00ab<em>mi<\/em> momento\u00bb, por m\u00e1s que sonaran las alarmas en los temidos relojes de las revistas femeninas. De los \u00abpolluelos\u00bb no quer\u00eda ni o\u00edr hablar: no era una gallina clueca. Y, a partir de los veinte, si alg\u00fan freudiano atrevido hubiera osado insinuar que mi apartamento, lleno de cojines peludos, alfombras peludas, almohadas peludas, mantas peludas y pufs peludos, delataba un deseo sublimado de compa\u00f1\u00eda en el sentido animal, o que inconscientemente acolchaba el nido con esperanzas de albergar nueva vida, desde luego le habr\u00eda ense\u00f1ado a ese impertinente d\u00f3nde estaba la puerta. Yo era una mujer, pero no <em>esa<\/em> clase de mujer. Hoy quiz\u00e1 lo llamar\u00edan \u00abmisoginia internalizada\u00bb. No dispongo de un t\u00e9rmino mejor. Aun as\u00ed, en el n\u00facleo de ese rechazo lat\u00eda una obsesi\u00f3n con el control com\u00fan entre mi gente (los escritores). Suele decirse que la escritura es \u00abcreativa\u00bb; a m\u00ed nunca me ha parecido una descripci\u00f3n correcta. Plantar tulipanes es creativo; plantar un bulbo (me imagino, porque nunca lo he hecho) es participar con un peque\u00f1o gesto en el milagro c\u00edclico de la creaci\u00f3n. La escritura es control. La facultad donde doy clases de hecho deber\u00eda llamarse Departamento de Control de la Experiencia. La experiencia \u2014enigm\u00e1tica, abrumadora, consciente, inconsciente\u2014 nos arrolla a todos. Intentamos adaptarnos, aprender, acomodarnos, a veces resisti\u00e9ndonos, otras veces someti\u00e9ndonos, para encarar lo que venga. Los escritores, sin embargo, van m\u00e1s all\u00e1: toman esa masa informe de perplejidad y la vierten en un molde de su propia invenci\u00f3n. La escritura es <em>siempre<\/em> resistencia. Y tal vez por eso sea una actividad noble, y a veces incluso \u00fatil, una vez sobre el papel; sin embargo, por lo que s\u00e9, no funciona como pr\u00e1ctica para la vida real. En la vida real, la sumisi\u00f3n y la resistencia carecen de una forma predeterminada, y para una escritora como yo resulta a\u00fan m\u00e1s desconcertante que ciertos valores \u2014sumisi\u00f3n, negativo; resistencia, positivo\u2014 que por norma se asocian a las palabras que los escritores vierten en la p\u00e1gina, no son fiables sobre el terreno. A veces es un acierto someterse al amor y un error resistirse al afecto; a veces es un error resistirse a la enfermedad y un acierto someterse a lo inevitable; y viceversa. Cada novela que lees (y ni que decir las novelas que escribes) plantear\u00e1 alguna teor\u00eda acerca de qu\u00e9 actitud conviene adoptar en qu\u00e9 momento, y \u2014si lees las suficientes\u2014 te ofrecer\u00e1, cuando menos, un amplio repertorio de reacciones posibles. Sin embargo, sobre el terreno, la experiencia no tiene ep\u00edgrafes, ni saltos de l\u00ednea, ni elipsis que te permitan recuperar el aliento... no da 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Porque nuestro pensador no habita personalmente, como cabr\u00eda esperar, en ese espl\u00e9ndido palacio de b\u00f3vedas alt\u00edsimas, sino que habita en las caballerizas de al lado, o quiz\u00e1 en la misma perrera, o a lo m\u00e1s en la casita destinada al portero del palacio. Y Dios te libre de que se te ocurra venir a insinuarle que se d\u00e9 cuenta de semejante contrasentido, pues no te puedes figurar lo mucho que se disgustar\u00eda. Ya que no le atemoriza para nada lo de estar en el error, su \u00fanica preocupaci\u00f3n ha sido acabar el sistema, precisamente aprovechando que estaba en el error.\u00bb<\/p><p>Eran tulipanes; me habr\u00eda gustado que fuesen peon\u00edas. En mi cuento lo son, lo van a ser; fueron y ser\u00e1n eternamente peon\u00edas \u00a1porque, cuando escribo, el espacio y el tiempo se doblegan a mi voluntad por obra y gracia de las desinencias verbales! En la vida real, hago mi hogar en la perrera. Cuando era ni\u00f1a, pensaba que prefer\u00eda ser un cerebro en un frasco a ser una \u00abmujer natural\u00bb; he acabado siendo, a cada momento, una curiosa combinaci\u00f3n de ambas y sin ning\u00fan control sobre cu\u00e1ndo y d\u00f3nde y por qu\u00e9 tienen lugar esos momentos. Tanto si la parte \u00abnatural\u00bb de mi condici\u00f3n de mujer es un rasgo biol\u00f3gico esencial como (seg\u00fan sosten\u00eda Simone de Beauvoir) la expresi\u00f3n de una aculturaci\u00f3n tan profunda que semeja las ra\u00edces que brotan del bulbo, en este punto de mi vida confieso que no lo s\u00e9 y que no me importa: no soy cient\u00edfica ni soci\u00f3loga, soy novelista. 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15 min

Por ZADIE SMITH



Justo antes de marcharme de Nueva York me encontré de pronto en una posición inesperada: agarrada a las rejas del Jefferson Market Garden mirando a través de los barrotes. Un momento antes iba a la carrera, como de costumbre, intentando sacar provecho de dos minutos que había rascado de los tramos de cuarenta y cinco en que, entonces, fraccionaba mis días (compactando y nivelando cada bloque de tiempo con la precisión con que un niño construye un castillo de arena). Dos minutos «libres» equivalían a un macchiato (en un mundo ideal, sin necesidad de pagar en efectivo, si nadie me daba conversación). En aquella época, la hoja de mi pala siempre estaba afilada para ahuyentar a camareros parlanchines, madres excesivamente simpáticas, estudiantes en apuros, lectores curiosos: cualquiera que me pareciese una amenaza contra mi programa. Ah, ¡qué bien protegida iba! Pero, a traición, me atacó... la horticultura: los tulipanes que florecían en el triángulo de tierra de un pequeño jardín metropolitano. No es que los tulipanes sean flores muy sofisticadas; un crío podría dibujarlos; y además eran de un rosa chillón con vetas naranjas. Desde el mis­mo instante en que me detuve a mirarlos deseé que fueran peonías.

Nacida y criada en la ciudad, no era consciente de sentir un entusiasmo especial por las flores, o al menos no un interés tan profundo como para renunciar al café. Aun así, seguí aferrada a los barrotes de aquella verja; no iba a soltarme. Y no estaba sola: a ambos lados del Jefferson había otras dos mujeres, ambas más o menos de mi edad, atisbando a través de la reja. Era un día frío, radiante, azul; ni una nube entre el World Trade Center y el número de siete dígitos pintado en el viejo anuncio de la farmacia Bigelow. Las tres teníamos obligaciones que atender; no obstante, algún instinto poderoso nos había atraído hasta allí, y el afán depredador con el que escrutábamos aquellos tulipanes me hizo recordar cómo describía Nabokov la presunta génesis de Lolita: «El primer débil latido [...] si no recuerdo mal fue provocado, en cierta medida, por un relato periodístico acerca de un chimpancé del Jardin des Plantes que, después de meses de pacientes esfuerzos por parte de un científico, hizo el primer dibujo realizado nunca por un animal: mostraba los barrotes de la jaula de la pobre criatura». Siempre me ha interesado esa cita, aun sin creer una sola palabra de lo que dice. (Algo inspiraría Lolita, sin embargo, estoy convencida de que no hubo primates implicados.) El científico ofrece el trozo de carboncillo esperando o deseando una revelación trascendente sobre ese chimpancé, pero la revelación resulta ser fruto de la mera contingencia, de una serie de circunstancias determinadas, de la situación como tal. El chimpancé está enjaulado por su naturaleza, por sus instintos y por sus circunstancias (el orden de los factores habrán de debatirlo los zoólogos); es lo que hay. Por mi parte, no necesitaba que un freudiano me explicara que aquellas tres mujeres de mediana edad, al filo de la perimenopausia, se habían sentido atraí­das por un símbolo que pregonaba la fertilidad y el renacimiento en medio de una yerma metrópolis de cemento... Y, en efecto, cuando advertimos la presencia de las demás, las tres sonreímos avergonzadas. En mi caso, sin embargo, fue una vergüenza bien distinta a la que habría sentido en otro tiempo, cuando era muy joven y leí Lolita por primera vez. En aquella época, para mí, la jaula de mi circunstancia era el género. No en su manifestación concreta: me gustaba mi cuerpo. Pero no lo que creía que significaba: que estaba atada a mi «naturaleza», a mi cuerpo animal —al reino simiesco del instinto—, y todo esto de un modo mucho más fundamental que, digamos, mis hermanos. Yo tenía «ciclos», ellos no; yo debía prestar atención a distintos «relojes», ellos no necesariamente. Había palabras especialmente dirigidas a mí acechando en el horizonte, empaquetadas de antemano para señalar las posibles etapas de mi existencia: podría convertirme en una solterona, podría convertirme en una arpía, podría ser un «bombón», una madura deseable o una mujer «sin hijos», mientras que mis hermanos, sin importar qué más les ocurriera, continuarían siendo simplemente hombres. Y al final, con suerte, llegaría a ser la criatura más patética de todas, una anciana a quien ya adivinaba como alguien a quien cualquiera, hasta los niños, se permitiría dar lecciones. Solía escuchar la canción You Make Me Feel (Like A Natural Woman) [Me haces sentir (una mujer natural)] e intentaba imaginar su contrapartida. Podías hacer que alguien se sintiera un hombre «de verdad» (sin duda, otro tipo de jaula), pero nunca un hombre natural: un hombre era un hombre era un hombre. Doblegaba la naturaleza a su voluntad; no se sometía a ella, salvo en la muerte. La sumisión a la naturaleza iba a ser mi reino, y era un reino al que yo no quería pertenecer: sería una mujer, pero no natural. Me negué a llevar ningún tipo de control de mi ciclo menstrual, por ejemplo, prefiriendo ponerme a llorar el lunes y descubrir la (supuesta) razón de mi llanto el martes. Sí, mucho mejor eso que prepararse a conciencia para un lunes triste o creer que era inevitable sin más. Mis estados de ánimo eran míos: no reflejaban la naturaleza. Me negué a tolerar la idea de que nada en mí siguiera un movimiento cíclico, mensual. Y si algún día decidía ser madre, lo sería cuando llegara «mi momento», por más que sonaran las alarmas en los temidos relojes de las revistas femeninas. De los «polluelos» no quería ni oír hablar: no era una gallina clueca. Y, a partir de los veinte, si algún freudiano atrevido hubiera osado insinuar que mi apartamento, lleno de cojines peludos, alfombras peludas, almohadas peludas, mantas peludas y pufs peludos, delataba un deseo sublimado de compañía en el sentido animal, o que inconscientemente acolchaba el nido con esperanzas de albergar nueva vida, desde luego le habría enseñado a ese impertinente dónde estaba la puerta. Yo era una mujer, pero no esa clase de mujer. Hoy quizá lo llamarían «misoginia internalizada». No dispongo de un término mejor. Aun así, en el núcleo de ese rechazo latía una obsesión con el control común entre mi gente (los escritores). Suele decirse que la escritura es «creativa»; a mí nunca me ha parecido una descripción correcta. Plantar tulipanes es creativo; plantar un bulbo (me imagino, porque nunca lo he hecho) es participar con un pequeño gesto en el milagro cíclico de la creación. La escritura es control. La facultad donde doy clases de hecho debería llamarse Departamento de Control de la Experiencia. La experiencia —enigmática, abrumadora, consciente, inconsciente— nos arrolla a todos. Intentamos adaptarnos, aprender, acomodarnos, a veces resistiéndonos, otras veces sometiéndonos, para encarar lo que venga. Los escritores, sin embargo, van más allá: toman esa masa informe de perplejidad y la vierten en un molde de su propia invención. La escritura es siempre resistencia. Y tal vez por eso sea una actividad noble, y a veces incluso útil, una vez sobre el papel; sin embargo, por lo que sé, no funciona como práctica para la vida real. En la vida real, la sumisión y la resistencia carecen de una forma predeterminada, y para una escritora como yo resulta aún más desconcertante que ciertos valores —sumisión, negativo; resistencia, positivo— que por norma se asocian a las palabras que los escritores vierten en la página, no son fiables sobre el terreno. A veces es un acierto someterse al amor y un error resistirse al afecto; a veces es un error resistirse a la enfermedad y un acierto someterse a lo inevitable; y viceversa. Cada novela que lees (y ni que decir las novelas que escribes) planteará alguna teoría acerca de qué actitud conviene adoptar en qué momento, y —si lees las suficientes— te ofrecerá, cuando menos, un amplio repertorio de reacciones posibles. Sin embargo, sobre el terreno, la experiencia no tiene epígrafes, ni saltos de línea, ni elipsis que te permitan recuperar el aliento... no da tregua.

Y eso es verdad ahora más que nunca (por acudir a un molde narrativo popular). Da la casualidad de que me fijé en aquellos tulipanes sólo unos días antes de que empezara la lección de humildad global —destinada a hombres y mujeres por igual—; sin embargo, en el somero estanque de mi experiencia, esos absurdos tulipanes supusieron un minúsculo anticipo de lo que ahora siento en todo momento, día tras día, que no es más que la naturaleza compleja y ambivalente de la «sumisión». ¡Si al menos fuera posible expresar esos sentimientos sin cargar las tintas, sin dar pie a una discusión o a un dogma! Este tipo de mujer, aquel tipo de mujer: salvavidas lanzados a un Heráclito que se ahoga; cada uno, una ficción distinta. ¿Es posible ser tan flexibles sobre la página —tan descaradamente compasivos con nosotros mismos y tan cambiantes— como somos en la vida? Se diría que no encontramos la manera. Por el contrario, escribir es, a cada momento, nadar en un océano de hipocresías: sabemos que nos engañamos, pero, por extraño que parezca, ese engaño es necesario, aunque sea provisionalmente, para crear el molde donde verter todo aquello a lo que no puedes dar forma en la vida. Kierkegaard lo expresa mejor en una especie de parábola:

«Un pensador acaba de construir un enorme edificio; lógico, un sistema, un vasto sistema que abarca toda la existencia y toda la historia universal, etc., etc. Ahora bien, consideremos su vida personal. ¿Dónde habita? ¡Asombroso! ¡Lamentable y ridículo hasta más no poder! Porque nuestro pensador no habita personalmente, como cabría esperar, en ese espléndido palacio de bóvedas altísimas, sino que habita en las caballerizas de al lado, o quizá en la misma perrera, o a lo más en la casita destinada al portero del palacio. Y Dios te libre de que se te ocurra venir a insinuarle que se dé cuenta de semejante contrasentido, pues no te puedes figurar lo mucho que se disgustaría. Ya que no le atemoriza para nada lo de estar en el error, su única preocupación ha sido acabar el sistema, precisamente aprovechando que estaba en el error.»

Eran tulipanes; me habría gustado que fuesen peonías. En mi cuento lo son, lo van a ser; fueron y serán eternamente peonías ¡porque, cuando escribo, el espacio y el tiempo se doblegan a mi voluntad por obra y gracia de las desinencias verbales! En la vida real, hago mi hogar en la perrera. Cuando era niña, pensaba que prefería ser un cerebro en un frasco a ser una «mujer natural»; he acabado siendo, a cada momento, una curiosa combinación de ambas y sin ningún control sobre cuándo y dónde y por qué tienen lugar esos momentos. Tanto si la parte «natural» de mi condición de mujer es un rasgo biológico esencial como (según sostenía Simone de Beauvoir) la expresión de una aculturación tan profunda que semeja las raíces que brotan del bulbo, en este punto de mi vida confieso que no lo sé y que no me importa: no soy científica ni socióloga, soy novelista. Y cuando cae el día, durante esta extraña y abrumadora temporada de muerte eclosionando a la misma vez que el diente de león al otro lado de mi ventana, puedo admitir que, a veces, la primavera también llega en mí, que la luna en ocasiones influye en mis estados de ánimo y que, si oigo el llanto de un bebé desconocido, en mi interior todavía salta la alarma de la sumisión.

Y cada tanto una variedad vulgar de flores primaverales consigue sortear los filtros de la estética más cultivada y se cuela en el centro de la ciudad. Justo antes, por ejemplo, de que un mes de abril inaudito convierta cada renglón en un sinsentido.

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